Beauty in the Beast
by Walkazo
Summary: When Wart turns him into a human, Bowser makes the most of a bad situation and assumes a fake identity to trick Peach into falling in love with him, even as the evil forces of Subcon loom on the horizon.
1. Dream

**Disclaimer****: I don't own **_**Mario**_**, nor the idea of Bowser running amok as a human.**

**Author's Notes****: I first read a Bowser-turns-human story years ago (**_**Bowser the Bishonen**_** by Mikaristar (now Chapter 52 of her compilation archive, **_**Vacation**_**)), and I've always enjoyed Scott Falco's animated version of Hyadain's "Super Mario Western Show" song (YouTube it), but my desire to take a whack at the "genre" didn't start until after reading **_**Finite Incantantum**_** by DymondGold (still in-progress), and then getting further pumped up by the **_**Human Bowser**_** comic by Yoshi317 (on DeviantArt). As you can guess from the title, **_**Beauty and the Beast**_** (the Disney version) was also an inspiration for the plot, as was the opening of the anime **_**Eden of the East**_**, and I borrowed some factoids from **_**BS Super Mario USA**_**, the obscure Japan-only sequel to the American version of **_**Super Mario Bros. 2**_** (it's a long story).**

**Rated for mature themes and violence; I originally made this M-rated, since there's nudity, but upon further reflection, it's played for laughs, and the really naughty bits aren't described anyway, so it should be fine as T, right?  
**

* * *

Beauty in the Beast

_Move while you're watching me  
Dance with the enemy  
I've got a remedy  
Oh, uh oh, uh oh._

- "Remedy", Little Boots

Chapter 1: Dream

"Why are we here again?"

"We're having a picnic."

"That's lame. You're so lame, haggy."

"Well I'm _sorry_, Your Unenthusiasticness – if you want, we can always go back and _not_ eat this delicious meal…"

"Hey now, I didn't say that!"

"Will you two stop bickering!"

"_EXCUSE ME?_"

Kamek winced as Bowser rounded on him, but he had a good reason for interrupting the Koopa King and Kammy's routine squabbling, and pointed to the sky. "That door just appeared."

"Huh?" Bowser looked up at the small door and the stairs that seemed to form right out of thin air. "Who would build a door in the middle of the sky?"

"It's a magic door – to Subcon," explained Kammy. "Mario, Luigi and Peach encountered one a few years ago."

"Weird. I wonder why one would appear here in…" Looking around at the bright grassy field, Bowser suddenly found himself very confused. "…this… isn't Dark Land." He rounded on the Magikoopas. "What the hell, guys?"

"What're you looking at _us_ for?" said Kamek defensively.

"I don't remember coming to the Mushroom Kingdom, so you must've brought me here for your stupid picnic!"

"We did no such thing, Your Accusatoryness," protested Kammy, looking around at their surroundings. "I don't know how we got here either."

"Me neither – I don't remember leaving the castle. The last thing I remember was…"

"Dinner!" said Bowser, snapping his fingers. "I remember now: we were having dinner, and then I went to bed."

"So did I," said Kammy.

"Me too," added Kamek.

"So what? We all sleepwalked here?" frowned Bowser.

Kamek shook his head. "No, sire, I think we're _still_ asleep."

"You mean…"

"Yes, Your Comprehendingness, this is a dream," nodded Kammy.

"I'm sharing a dream with you two old fogeys? Ewwwwww," Bowser shuddered.

"Hey!" huffed Kamek. "I'll let you know I'm still ahead of all the latest trends and-"

"I order you both to get out of my dream NOW!"

"It's not that simple, Your Demandingness!" said Kammy.

"Not if I wake you up with a few good fire blasts!"

"You're supposed to use pinches to wake someone up!" quailed the old witch.

"Psh, like I'm gonna pinch _you_, ya dirty old-"

"_Excuuuuse me._"

Bowser and the Magikoopas turned to find that they were no longer alone in the knoll: a frog almost as tall as Bowser and decked out in a crown and a blue cape trimmed in gold was standing before them.

"Who're you?" demanded Bowser.

"I am the great Wart!" responded the frog king.

"I've heard of you," volunteered Kammy. "You attacked Subcon, and the locals had to call in Mario to get rid of you."

Wart scowled at the memory. "Yes, Mario, Luigi, Peach and their little Toad friend defeated me, not once but twice. As you can imagine, that did _not_ leave a good taste in my mouth."

"Especially considering they defeated you with vegetables," sneered Kammy.

Wart's scowl darkened, but he decided to ignore the witch for now and looked back up at her king. "Enough with the… _pleasantries_… I am here to offer you an alliance with me and my army of 8 Bits."

"What would I need with an alliance with dream people?" snorted Bowser.

"We are not going to be constrained within the dreams for long," grinned Wart sinisterly. "Since my defeats in Subcon, I have traveled far and wide through the dreams of beings from all dimensions. Swordsmen and living pink puffballs and giant chameleons-"

"Yadda yadda, get to the point," interrupted Bowser impatiently.

Wart's eyes narrowed dangerously. "The _point_ is that I have figured out how to control the dreams of others, and use that influence to affect them in the real world too. I plan to invade the waking world, and use those powers to subdue Mario, Luigi, Peach, Toad and all else who oppose me! Since you are also the enemy of Mario, I figured I'd see if you would join me: it would make things much easier for me-"

"Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there," said Bowser, holding up an arresting hand. "First of all, _no one_ messes with Peach when I'm around, got that? And second of all, if anyone's taking over the world, it's gonna be _me_ – and I'm sure as hell not gonna help make it _easier_ for someone else to _try_ to take it over. Now, kindly get out of my dream: I already have Kammy uglying up the scenery, I don't need your warty ass in here too."

Wart's face broke into a twisted grin. "I had a feeling you'd down my generous proposal. Wah ha ha ha ha hah!" as Wart started to laugh, the sunny skies immediately turned dark and stormy, and a vicious wind began to whip through the hills as the grass beneath the Koopas' feet shriveled and died.

"Wuh- What the hell is going on!?" shouted Bowser in alarm as Wart began to float away back towards the door.

"You should have taken me up on my offer – I can't afford to have you interfering with my plans," said Wart, his eyes now glowing a brilliant white. "But I suppose I should thank you – you've given me a perfect opportunity to test out my powers on the Mushroom World."

"Why you- GET BACK HERE!" roared Bowser, charging towards the stairs and glaring up at Wart. "No one uses the King of the Koopas as a guinea pig!" But when he tried to blast a fireball towards the monstrous frog, all that escaped his maw was a pitiful puff of smoke and a barrage of coughing.

"Your Dousedness!" cried Kammy, hurrying forward with Kamek as Bowser caught his breath and started up the stairs.

"GIVE ME MY FIRE BACK!" he bellowed.

"Wah ha ha ha! I don't think so. Sweet dreams, Bowser _Koopa_. Wah ha ha!" suddenly the stairs beneath Bowser's feet dematerialized, and with an enraged roar he fell into the swirling black vortex that was now his dream world, while Kammy and Kamek struggled and failed to fly their broomsticks against the winds, soon joining their king as the maelstrom sucked them away, with Wart's laughter still ringing in their heads.


	2. Wake

**A/N: Bowser's appearance draws from various _Mario_ fanfiction and art, with the brow of Jet Black of _Cowboy Bebop_, and the rest of the facial structure from Viral of _Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann_ and hair like Akira from _Eden of the East_. A very rough sketch of his face in profile can be seen at: **(h tee tp: double slash) walk azo. livejournal (dot com slash) pics/catalog/292/16283** (just remove the spaces and replace the bracketed stuff with real coding - getting around the anti-spam stuff's a pain, eh?). Also, I know it's not realistic that Bowser gets the hang of walking so quickly, much less being able to talk right out of the gate (pretty much everything about his oral anatomy changed, after all), but him not being able to do more than flop around and babble incomprehensibly didn't really fit in with the story I wanted to tell, so for the sake of that, and to keep the fic moving along at a brisk pace, I took some liberties.**

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Chapter 2: Wake

"AHHHHH!" Bowser woke himself with a scream, sitting bolt upright in his bed and desperately catching his breath. In an instant, he knew something was very wrong. He felt... wrong. Just… _wrong_. He turned his head, surprising himself at how far it actually swiveled, although that was nothing compared to the realization that there was nothing on his back. "AHHH!" he screamed in horror: what the hell had happened to his shell? He looked down at his body to see if anything else was wrong and screamed again. His ribbed belly scoots were gone, replaced by a flat, human-esque torso. But… it wasn't just human-_esque_, he realized as he held his trembling hands in front of him, staring at the ten slender fingers. "No! No, no no!" he gasped, bringing the hands to his face and desperately feeling for his snout, his horns, anything. But there was nothing. His face was flat, with a triangular nose, and bare temples and_ earlobes_. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Your Highness!" The guards outside had been getting increasingly worried by the screams emanating from their king's chambers: usually the fallout from a nightmare didn't last _this_ long, and with the last scream reaching a particularly shrill decibel, they couldn't stand it anymore and bashed through the door.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed Bowser as the guards came bursting in on him.

"AAAAAHHHHHH!" screamed the guards at the sight of the strange human where their king was supposed to be.

"WAIT!" screamed Bowser again as the Koopas turned their weapons on him, lunging forward out of the bed but getting the covers tangled in his unfamiliarly lanky limbs and landing in the floor in a heap.

"Who are you and what did you do with the king?" demanded the first guard as the second one turned the lights on.

"I _am_ the king!" roared Bowser, scrambling to his feet.

"No you're not! Answer us, naked human!"

Bowser glanced down: he was indeed buck naked, and sporting a couple extra anatomical features to show for it. _That's new_, he mused, but now wasn't the time to worry about mammalian dangly bits and he glared back up at the guards. "Yes I am! I've just been transformed!" He looked over at the full-length mirror on his wall, despairing as his suspicions were confirmed. "I've been turned into a human!"

"A likely story!" snarled the guard.

"It's true! How else could a naked human have suddenly appeared in my room?"

"Maybe the window," suggested the second guard.

"Yeah, and then you threw the king out the way you came in," hissed the first guard.

"That's what all the screaming was – it was a battle!"

"You bastard human!"

"WAIT!" the charging guards stumbled to a stop, the tips of their spears inches from the cringing ex-Koopa as the two familiar voices filled the room.

"Kammy! Kamek!" shouted Bowser in relief, circling around the guards, but when he caught sight of his advisors, he screamed again. They screamed too.

"AAAHHHH!"

"You're humans too!" exclaimed Bowser in horror, pointing at the figures in their now-far-too-baggy robes.

"And you're naked!" observed Kamek, making a face and holding up a hand to block his view of Bowser's lower parts. Kammy had her whole face hidden, masking her raging blush.

"Oh, don't be such pansies! I'm naked every day!" growled Bowser.

"Yes, but you don't look like _that_," squeaked Kammy, lowering her hands so that she could see Bowser's face as he strode up to them.

"You're one to talk," he snorted, peering down at Kammy and Kamek, who were both over a head shorter than the king. "You guys look even worse as humans."

"Yeah, now you can tell Kamek's gotten so much work done," snorted Kammy, sneering at Kamek's unnaturally smooth skin.

"Hey, swilling the youth potions beats looking like you, wrinkles," seethed Kamek.

"Guys! Focus!" demanded Bowser, trying and failing to snap his fingers. Scowling at the unfamiliar digits, he waved his hand around for emphasis. "What happened to us!?"

"It must've been Wart," said Kamek. "He cursed us."

"No, he dumped us in a tornado, or flushed us down a drain, or whatever that was."

"That might have just been for show, Your Skepticalness – remember how your firebreath went out?"

Bowser's eyes widened and he slapped his forehead, misjudging the distance and socking himself half in the eye in the process. "My firebreath!" he yelped, wincing about the eye. Sucking in a deep breath, he lifted his head and tried to send a flame out over the heads of his advisors, but nothing came out, not even smoke. "No! Not that too!" cried Bowser, staggering backwards in horror – and also because he wasn't quite used to walking as a human yet. Stumbling over his long human feet he plopped onto the ground. Rubbing his stinging butt with one hand, he stared at his other set of fingers, but as much as he focused, he couldn't get any sparks to appear. "And my lightning powers too? Awww, man!"

He got back to his feet, but he didn't have the heart to try to ground pound: had a feeling all it'd do was make his rear end hurt even more. He frowned at himself in the mirror, twisting his torso to get a look at his backside. It was so _weird_ not having a tail. "This sucks – turn me back, NOW!"

"Don't you think that if we could undo the curse, we would have changed _ourselves_ back already?" said Kamek.

"Wait… Did Wart take _your_ powers too?"

Kammy and Kamek exchanged glances, before Kammy answered. "Sorta… Your Angryness… Magikoopas are a lot more magical than even the strongest human mages - it's a gift from our draconian ancestors. In turning us human, Wart has severely lessened our-"

"In other words, you _still_ have _some_ power," seethed Bowser. "Great! So I'm the only one who's been turned into a weak little nothing?" Shooting the two near-forgotten Koopa Troopa guards a side-glance, Bowser added: "Uhh, no offence."

"Don't worry, Your Despairingness – we'll think of something," said Kammy reassuringly, her hand still blocking out the sight of Bowser's externalized genitalia.

"You better," snarled Bowser, looking at the mirror again and sighing. He could hardly believe the human was him. So tall and lean – nothing like his usual hulking self, although he still had decent muscle tone to his arms. His chest and belly were flat, however – as a Koopa, he admittedly never paid much attention to his abs or pecks, although running his hands down his belly, he was pleased to find that he could feel the solid muscles beneath only a thin layer of fleshy stuff if he tensed up. Watching his progress in the mirror, he moved his hands down over his hips and seized a handful of ass in each mitt. He smirked – if he was stuck being a human, at least he was a sexy one.

In fact…

Bowser approached the mirror, his attention now on his face. He was large-eyed as far as humans went, and had kept his red irises and red hair, which was shaggy and a bit less than shoulder-length, with shorter stuff in the front hanging down over his high forehead. He still had a prominent brow and thick eyebrows, as well as a pointed, slightly upturn nose – likely reflecting the fact that his snout was upturned. He was just glad he didn't wind up with a bulbous schnoz like Mario, and as he ran a finger down his angular jaw, he grinned, flashing his white – yet regrettably fangless – teeth. No doubt about it, he was much better looking than Mario. _Suck on that, plumber's butt_, he smirked. Even his skin was better: like Kamek and Kammy, the natural yellow of Koopas translated to pale, yellowish tan skin – much nicer than Mario's pink hue. The only person pink looked good on was…

"Peach!" gasped Bowser.

"Come again?" said Kamek, standing around at the door with Kammy and the guards as they awkwardly watched Bowser feel himself up in the mirror.

Bowser turned to them, his eyes twinkling. "There's no way Peach would recognize me like this!"

"True, but-"

"I mean, even my voice is different, right? I mean, it _sounds_ different to _me_ but-"

"It _is_ different," reassured Kamek. While he and Kammy's size hadn't changed overly much when they transformed from humans to Koopas, Bowser was a shadow of his former self, even with his well-above-average height. And with smaller vocal chords came a higher voice; he even lost much of the growl, although it was still husky.

"Good. Then I say we should make the most of the situation," said Bowser, standing up straight and facing his advisors, forcing Kammy to hold up a protective hand once more.

"What are you talking about, Your uh… Smilingness?"

Bowser's grin widened. "We're gonna take a little vacation – well, sorta. You're gonna keep working on a way to turn us back, but you're coming with me."

Kammy and Kamek exchanged a worried look. "Coming with you… where?" asked the witch.

"The Mushroom Kingdom!" said Bowser, excitedly approaching the other Koopa-turned-humans. "Thank about it – this is the perfect chance to show Peach that we're meant to be together! The only reason she rejects me is because I'm a Koopa, so if you take that out of the equation, there's nothing stopping her from letting herself fall in love with me!"

Kammy and Kamek were both shaking their heads. "What about the fact that you're, I dunno, _evil_?" said Kamek. "It's not just that you're a Koopa – it's that you're the evil King of the Koopas."

"And proud of it!" added Bowser, lest they forgot. "And I know Peach is biased against evil too – she holds _everything_ against me."

"Like all those times you've attack her kingdom and tried to kill her friends and held her prisoner and-"

"Hey, whose side are you on?" growled Bowser, shutting Kamek up. "My point is, that without her anti-Koopa, anti-evil, anti-Bowser bias, I _know_ she would fall in love with me. I mean, who wouldn't, right? I'm awesome! And this body…" Bowser ran his hands down his torso with a pleased little smirk while Kamek and Kammy both averted their eyes. "…well, it's just the icing on the cake. Between my _sexy_ human body and my killer personality, Peach will be mine in no time!"

"You're nuts," said Kamek rolling his eyes.

"Besides, how do you expect to get close to Peach, Your Impulsiveness?" added Kammy. "You're not gonna tell her who you are-"

"Obviously," now Bowser rolled his eyes.

"But it's not like she's gonna go cavorting around with some random guy, Your Nearsightedness. You'd need an in."

"Hmmm," Bowser frowned. He hadn't thought of that, but looking around the room, his eyes landed on the pile of papers on his bureau near the mirror and he snapped his fingers – successfully this time. "Got it!" He hurried over, still wobbling a little but getting better at mastering his new legs. He grabbed a report out of the pile and waved it in the air. "_This_ is our in! There's a delegation from the Waffle Kingdom headed to the Mushroom Kingdom – they'll be arriving tomorrow."

"So? We weren't even invited to that."

"Yeah, but remember, I'm not going as myself – I'll be going as the ambassador from the Waffle Kingdom."

Kammy and Kamek stared at him, grunting in unison: "What?"

"We'll hijack the ship before it comes into monitoring range of the Mushroom Kingdom and hypnotize everyone, then when we land, I'll masquerade as the ambassador. No one from this continent has met him yet, and the Waffle Kingdom is so far away, it's not like that Princess Eclair's gonna call and check up on her folks. It's brilliant!"

"No, it's crazy – what if they find out the truth? Sire, I don't think you grasp the full severity of the situation," argued Kamek.

"Yes I do! I'm horrified about what's happened to me – er, us – but if I'm stuck being a powerless human for the time being, might as well make the most of a bad situation."

"But that's just it, Your Uncomprehendingness," pleased Kammy. "You are _powerless_ – you've lost your near-immortality. If something happens to you when you're like this, you might die – and not come back."

This gave Bowser pause – he hadn't thought of that.

"Yes," added Kamek. "If your enemies find out, they might try to seize this opportunity to be rid of you. We cannot let news of this get out." This last point was directed to the guards as much as Bowser. Kammy and Kamek had made sure no one saw they were human on their way over to Bowser's room and had closed the door behind them, with a soundproofing spell for safe measure. The only ones who knew that the three leaders of the Koopa Kingdom weren't actually Koopas anymore were in that room. "We'll make a cover-story. Tell everyone we're all sick and highly contagious. Ludwig and the other Koopalings will have to run the kingdom, but I think they'll be okay – hopefully it'll only take a couple weeks to figure this out. Again, I cannot overemphasize the need for secrecy: we have no idea who could be spies, so no one can know…"

"All the more reason for us to get out of this castle," said Bowser, coming out of his thoughts. "I mean, _no one_ would expect the Koopa King to be hanging out in the Mushroom Kingdom as a human impersonating the Waffle Kingdom ambassador: what better place to keep me out of harm's way?"

"Well, in front of a speeding train, for one," seethed Kamek. "No one expects it because it's nuts – you'd be _surrounded_ by our enemies: Mario and Luigi and-"

"Yeah, but they wouldn't know it was me, so no worries."

"But Your Stubbornness, what if they discover the hijacking?"

"We'll use Shy Guys - that way it wouldn't obviously link back to the Koopa Kingdom. We'd say we're pirates or something – hell, we can tell the Shy Guys that too: that we're mercenaries hired by _King Bowser_ to infiltrate the Mushroom Kingdom. That's totally believable, right?"

"But it's not like they'd be overly happy about pirates masquerading as foreign dignitaries either, Your Unwiseness."

"Yeah, but they wouldn't kill us – not right away: they'd throw us in the dungeon, and then we'd bust out like we'd always do. We won't let them know you're mages, so they won't be ready for us."

Kammy and Kamek shared another look and sighed. This was a very bad plan, but Bowser was adamant, and they knew there was no arguing with him when he got like this.

"All right, Bowser. If you're _sure_ about this…" said Kamek resignedly.

"I'm sure," said Bowser. "I'm gonna make Peach love me, and it'll be awesome, and then when I turn back into a Koopa she'll still love me, because she'll have realized that _I'm_ awesome and that our love is more important than species or alignment or anything!" As he spoke it aloud, even Bowser started to sense a tinge of ridiculousness to his claims, but he shrugged it off. He was sure his plan would work, and that he could turn this nightmare into a dream come true.


	3. Dance

Chapter 3: Dance

Peach stood in front of her throne, anxiously watching the door at the end of the hallway. To her right was Princess Daisy and next to her was Prince Peasley, representing the Beanbean Kingdom on behalf of his mother. On Peach's left stood the elderly King Fret of Jewelry Land, flanked by his son Prince Pine. Peach's father was in the Waffle Kingdom in person, but it was still important that the ambassador's landing on the Mushroom Continent went well. The Waffle Kingdom was clearly populated by good people, but they were wary of outsiders, and other than the odd immigrant and the friends Luigi had brought back from his time there, this was the first time someone of any stature was traveling abroad. The experience _had_ to be a good one, but disaster had already struck: the ambassador and much of the crew had fallen ill during their travels. The ship was quarantined, with only the replacement delegate and his two aids being allowed off, as they had apparently been sequestered in their quarters when the outbreak hit.

Peach was too grateful to be suspicious, and merely attributed the stroke of luck behind the threesome's free pass to the Stars wanting the alliance to go forward. She was still nervous, however. She didn't even know the name of the new delegate.

"Heh-hem," Toad cleared his throat as he pushed open the door just enough to let him slip inside. "Presenting the new ambassador for the Waffle Kingdom!"

All eyes turned to the end of the hall as the door was flung wide and the trio of humans marched over the threshold. The one in front was certainly a sight to see. A tall man with unnaturally flame-coloured hair and long, bluish-grey painted nails, wearing a black duster over a form-fitting green leather vest and skinny black jean-like pants, he strode into the castle like he owned the place, flashing his brilliant white teeth at the crowd, his blood red eyes gleaming. His aids were both elderly, bespectacled and robed figures, the woman in purple with shoulder-length white hair, and the man in blue with a floppy cap upon his bald head; neither of them looked overly happy to be there.

Bowser stopped at the foot of the small flight of steps leading to Peach's throne and bowed low. "Your Highnesses," he said.

"Welcome to the Mushroom Continent," said Peach. "I know the circumstances surrounding this meeting must be difficult for you, and that you – all three of you – have been put into a position you could not have anticipated."

"On the contrary, your highness," said Bowser, looking up, his eyes flashing as they locked onto hers. "I have been waiting for this moment for _years_."

Peach was taken aback, but in an instant, the redhead had broken his gaze and was looking around at the other royals as he continued his story.

"I've been an understudy for the ambassador all my life, just in case she ever _did_ fall ill during one of her trips. I won't say I _hoped_ she'd get sick one day, but I _have_ hoped that I'd get a chance to prove myself sooner or later." Again, Bowser flicked his eyes to Peach, but playing it cool, he didn't hold his gaze. "Although, I'll honestly say I'd never dreamed that it would happen like _this_ – so far from the land I call home."

Peach smiled, convincing herself that she had imagined whatever had passed between them as she addressed the man. "Well, for the next little while, I hope you come to think of this land as your home too, Mr. Ambassador. But… I hate to be rude but, I never did catch your name?"

Bowser's face paled. "My name?"

"Yes, I'm ashamed to say we never heard of an understudy to the ambassador until this morning, and even then, your name never came up…"

That had been on purpose. When Bowser, Kammy and Kamek had attacked the ship, they had discovered that the ambassador was a woman, Cherry Maraschino, and so Bowser couldn't simply take her name as he had planned. At the time, he was pleased: he'd get to choose his own, cool name, but it turned out to be surprisingly hard. He liked _his_ name, he didn't _want_ a different one, and so, everything he could think of was no good. He kept putting it off, figuring one would come to him sooner or later. But it hadn't, and while his question had stalled for a bit of time, his mind was still drawing blanks as Peach stopped rambling and looked at him expectantly.

_Brownie? No, that's a stupid name. Ben Brownie? No, still stupid. Cream? No, that's a girl's name. Cake? No. Pudding? HELL no. Ice Cream? No, cream again. Whipped Cream? Still cream… but… come to think of it, maybe as a last name._

Bowser smiled up at Peach and the others. "You can call me Cream. Whip Cream."

"Whipped Cream?" Daisy raised an eyebrow.

"No, just 'Whip', y'know, like, _wk-chaw_," Bowser mimed cracking a whip for emphasis while Kammy and Kamek struggled to keep their faces blank. First Bowser refuses to dress up, then he refuses to choose a name ahead of time, and now he's making whip-cracking sounds. Yeah, _no one_ will _ever_ suspect he's not a real ambassador…

"How delightfully rustic," said Prince Pine, suppressing a smirk.

"Hah hah hah, quite," agreed Peasley, flipping his hair. "And I do so _love_ your outfit. Is that normal formal attire in the Waffle Kingdom?"

"Like I said before, I didn't think I'd be called upon, so I didn't have any fancy shmantzy clothes with me: they were in the storage deck with some other supplies and it all got quarantined."

The Princes' smiles faltered.

"I'm sorry to hear that," offered Peach, shooting her friends a couple warning glares. Just because Whip looked like some weird slacker kid doesn't mean they should all go forgetting who he really was.

Bowser shrugged. "These clothes are more comfortable anyway. Seriously, I don't understand how _any_ of you can stand dressing like that _every day_."

Again, Kammy and Kamek resisted the urge to facepalm, but the comment went down surprisingly well with at least one of the royals.

"Yes! Thank you!" cried Daisy. "Finally! Someone agrees with me!" She looked at Peach's shocked face apologetically. "I'm sorry Peachy, but you know how much I hate this dress!" She looked back down at Bowser. "I have to wear it every goddamn day!"

"Young Lady!" gasped Fret.

"Well it's _true! _The Royal Council _makes_ me wear it!"

"But you're the princess! Back home, the royals are never bossed around by their advisors… Isn't that right you two," said Bowser, smiling cheekily at Kammy and Kamek, who nodded stiffly.

"Really? Aww man, Princess Eclair's so lucky!" moaned Daisy.

"Ah hem," interrupted Peach. "Maybe we should all _introduce_ ourselves before we compare notes on our governmental procedures – and maybe save that discussion for a more formal venue?" _I.e. not standing in front of a giant crowd_, she added in her head, but her friends got the message.

After the introductions were out of the way, Peach led the group on a tour of the castle, which wasn't terribly interesting seeing as Bowser already knew the layout like the back of his hand. Or, at least his _old_ hand – his new one was still quite the novelty, what with the knuckles and tendons and extra finger and all. But the focus of the tour wasn't the castle anyway – it was Bowser. "Ambassador Whip" proved himself to be quite the character, and while many of the royals had been out off by his appearance at first, they soon found him quite amusing. Blunt and direct to the point, it seemed like he was barely filtering his thoughts before he spoke. It was clear he wasn't a real ambassador, but he had certainly done his research, at the very least, especially when it came to the Mushroom Kingdom.

For his part, Bowser _was_ filtering his thoughts. Quite extensively, in fact. Not a single pro-Koopa word passed his lips, and he made sure to not single out Peach too frequently. He would be staying in Mushroom Castle, after all – he'd have plenty of time to woo her _without_ an audience once the other visiting royals went home. So for now, he bided his time, making nice with the Princes and King Fret and getting along quite well with Daisy – he appreciated her spunk much more now that she wasn't using it against him at a Mario Party crashing.

Speaking of whom, Bowser was pleasantly surprised Mario and Luigi didn't tag along on the tour – it was one of few good things about it. They had been in the front row of the welcome ceremony, but the tour was for the royals and the ambassador only, so they remained behind to help with crowd control. Kammy and Kamek were off talking with the Toads and overseeing the moving of Bowser's luggage to his room – and making sure their own luggage got put away safely. In keeping with their cover, they had disguised all their spell books to look like history books, but they didn't want to risk anyone getting curious and taking a closer look.

After the tour was a grand feast, and Bowser struggled mightily to keep himself from overeating. As Kammy had repeatedly cautioned him every time he had gotten near food during the past day and a half, his human stomach was a third the size of his Koopan gut, and if he tried to eat like he normally did, he'd vomit it all back up. Plus, he'd get fat, and having grown quite fond of his lithe human form, Bowser definitely didn't want that to happen. But it was easier said than done when faced with Mushroomian cooking, and had he not known to save room for a slice of cake made by Peach himself, Bowser could have easily eaten himself into a stupor. He was actually _glad_ Mario and Luigi joined the group of dignitaries at the head table – that way, he wasn't the only one shoveling down the meal. Kammy and Kamek winced as they watched him, but the other royals were used to the ambassador's commoner behaviour by that point and shrugged it off. And, to his credit, Bowser _did_ remember to swallow before speaking, chew with his mouth closed, and even use the utensils properly, having been forced to practice his new dexterity by his ex-Magikoopa advisors.

In fact, he was pretty well off with all the aspects of his new anatomy, and when the feast gave way to a royal ball, Bowser didn't even pause to worry about tripping over his feet as he took the dance floor.

"He's really something, ain't he?" grinned Daisy, appearing as Peach's elbow as they watched Bowser, now _sans_ duster, enthusiastically move to the beat of an upbeat rock and roll number.

"'Something' is right," chucked Peach.

"And cute too."

"Mmm-hmm," nodded Peach, before blushing and tearing her eyes from the ambassador to glare at Daisy. "Hey, you shouldn't be talking about Ambassador Cream like that."

"Oooh, jealous?" smiled Daisy, before breaking into a wicked cackle. "Oh, the look on your _face_, Peach! Lighten up! _He_ doesn't take himself seriously."

"Well, he should!"

Daisy made a face. "Hey, a few hours ago, you were so afraid that the Waffle ambassador was going to hate it hear and never want to come back: you should be _glad_ he likes it here – you should be out there dancing too, and give him even _more_ reason to stay."

"Daisy!" eeped Peach as her friend laughed.

"Well, if you're not going to, I am. Where's Luigi? I love this song…" passing off her half-finished drink, Daisy swished off through the crowd in search of her favourite plumber.

Peach shook her head and set the drinks down on the table she was leaning against. By the time Daisy reappeared with Luigi in toe, and Peasley and Pine along with him, the song had changed to an upbeat electric pop number that had been sweeping the nation all month, and Peach couldn't help but smile as the three royals, Bowser and Luigi found their groove. The rest of the dancers instinctively made a clearing around the group, clapping along with the beat and watching their almost synchronized movements. Peach clapped along too, but faltered when Bowser looked over at her. He could spot Peach in any crowd, and had been keeping track of her out of the corner of his eye all night – she spent a lot of time watching him, he had noticed approvingly, but she wasn't going to watch anymore. Making eye contact, he tilted his head forward, flashing her a grin and waving her over, even incorporating the gesture into his dance. Peach hesitated – she _did_ like dancing and all the other young royals were out there, but there was something giving her pause. And that something had red eyes.

"Go on, dearie," said King Fret, suddenly appearing at Peach's side and giving her an encouraging nudge. "I'll watch your drinks."

Peach returned his smile, her resistance broken and she hurried forward to her friends while the crowd cheered. Bowser's smile broadened as he made way for Peach, who fell into step between him and Prince Pine as if she had been part of the troupe from the start. It was a vigorous dance, with lots of strutting, twisting and head shaking, and Peach beamed as she moved with the others, too carried away to even wonder why she had almost decided against joining them. Bowser was careful not to bump into Peach; simply having her next to him was a good enough step for now, and he contentedly watched her thoroughly enjoying herself in his peripheral vision, only letting his eyes meet hers when the dance called for them to face each other, and even then, only fleetingly. Both, in their own way, were sad when the song came to an end and the crowd around them applauded.

The six stood in a circle, and Bowser held a hand out to Peach, who took it, locking her other hand with Pine as the group took a bow, synchronized one last time.

"Oop, slow song, time for a drink," announced Bowser, releasing both Peach and Daisy (who had been on his right). "Excuse me," he said, bowing his head.

But Peach came too, leaving Luigi and Daisy to their dance as Pine and Peasley wandered off to talk to some fangirls clamoring for their attention.

"Water?" offered Bowser, rounding on Peach as he reached the refreshment table, drink already in hand.

She jumped a little. Bowser hadn't given any indication that he knew she had been following him. "Oh, thank you," she said, recovering quickly.

Bowser smirked and grabbed his own glance, gesturing towards a vacant table with his head. Without speaking the two walked over and sat down.

"Now you see why I'm not a fan of layers," remarked Bowser.

"Hugh?" bubbled Peach, chugging down the water.

"Your face is flushed. You must be hot," noted Bowser.

Peach held a hand up to her cheeks – she could feel the hat radiating off her skin. "Oh, yeah, I suppose."

"Next dance, you should wear something lighter – you'll enjoy yourself more."

"Oh, don't worry, I had lots of fun," reassured Peach, even as she finished off her glass.

Bowser smirked again and pushed his untouched glass towards her.

"Aren't _you_ hot?" hesitated Peach.

Bowser shrugged. "It's hot where I come from: I'm used to it."

"If you're sure…"

"I'm sure," said Bowser, locking eyes with Peach.

Once more, she felt herself thrown off by the intensity of his stare. Maybe it was just the fact that he had the same eye colour, but it almost reminded her of…

"Oh hey, I know this song too," said Bowser, suddenly looking away from Peach back towards the dance floor. He turned back to her. "Hope you don't mind, but I'm gonna take this one too. I can see you're still a bit flushed, so I'll see you later?"

"Uh… okay," said Peach, wondering why her cheeks were burning as she picked up Bowser's glass.

"Now, see, if you had dressed lighter, you could come with me," added Bowser, his eyes gleaming as bright as his teeth. "Ah well, next time."

Peach nodded, returning the smile, albeit one with a shadow of confusion. She turned and watched as Bowser made his was back through the maze of tables and partygoers, the top of his head visible above all but the tallest guests. There was something about the ambassador that puzzled her, and yet, fascinated her as well. He was a strange bird, and even though the thought of having him around put her stomach in funny little knots, she had a feeling she was also going to enjoy her next few weeks.


	4. Distract

Chapter 4: Distract

Apologizing profusely, King Fret and Prince Pine left after breakfast the following morning, for they had a long journey home, even by Warp Pipe. Peasley stayed a couple more days, but eventually Daisy was Peach's only house guest besides Bowser. Those first few days were spent touring the Mushroom Kingdom, with day trips to both the Beanbean Kingdom and southwestern Sarasaland. The visit to Daisy's homeland was interesting, since Bowser hadn't ever seen much of Sarasaland before and even a small chunk of Chai was a novel experience, but the rest of it wasn't overly interesting. Really, the company was the best part – aside from Mario, of course. Peasley was a decent fellow, Daisy and Bowser had a lot of similarities, and watching her interact with timid ol' Luigi was entertaining, but it was always Peach that made Bowser's day.

Of course, with all the other guests, they didn't have much time together, and whenever they did find themselves interacting one-on-one, Bowser made sure to keep Peach interested with almost teasingly mixed signals. In a way, it was teasing himself too – he longed for nothing more than to simply get on with a relationship, but as far as she knew, they barely knew each other, and she'd run for the hills if he came on too aggressively. So he bided his time, dancing around the issue just as he had danced around her that one night – maddeningly close, yet still at distance. Letting her come to him. Getting her to fall in love with _him_.

"I'm-a surprised Bowser hasn't shown up yet," remarked Luigi at lunch on the third day after the "ambassador"'s arrival.

"It's me," said Daisy matter-of-factly. "I _always_ miss his invasions and kidnappings."

"Maybe he plans it that way," offered Bowser, struggling to suppress a knowing smirk.

"Why? Cuz he's scared of me?" grinned Daisy, her eyes flashing in a way that reminded Bowser of himself. She _was_ a bit scary, actually, but that wasn't the reason.

"Well, if he kidnaps you, your army would get involved. Mario he can handle, but not both at the same time."

Daisy snorted. "True. I mean, he can't even handle Mario alone… Oh, alone or with you too, sweetie."

Luigi smiled sheepishly as Daisy ran her hand down his arm apologetically.

"Well, I can't speak for the other times, but I'm afraid that right now, he's not staying away because of you, Dayz," said Peach. Peasley had gone home that morning and it was just the two Princesses, the two Mario Bros. and Bowser sharing the midday meal, seated around a circular table in the gardens. Peach sat between Daisy and Bowser, across from the bros., and looked around the table as she shared her news. "This morning, I heard from one of our informants that he's sick."

_Four days for the news to leak… Could be worse_, mused Bowser, before turning to Peach. "Did they say what he has?"

"Something called Blargg Fever."

"Oh, that's good," remarked Bowser. Before he left, they hadn't decided on a cover disease yet, but Blargg Fever was a good one. Nice and obscure, and long-lasting. He wondered who came up with it – probably Larry, or maybe Iggy.

Peach frowned at Bowser's comment. "No, it's not good at all." She looked around at the others as she explained. "I did some research, and it's a pretty _bad_ sickness. It's highly infectious, fast-acting and can last weeks, even months, and no one's really sure how to fight it. It's not fatal, but it's not fun, and Bowser, Kammy and Kamek all have it – those are his Chief Advisors," she added for Bowser's sake, looking at the fake ambassador. She actually seemed concerned.

"Well, isn't that a good thing? He'll be out of our hair, then, right?"

"Oh yeah!" nodded Mario. "We can-a relax a bit."

Peach smiled weakly. "I suppose, but I just feel bad for Bowser…" she turned to the masquerading Koopa King sheepishly. "That probably sounds silly coming from me."

Bowser shook his head. "Not at all. That's just the kind of person you are – a kind person." He always knew she had a soft spot for him, but hearing it straight from her lips sent a rush of warmth spreading through his human body. Acting on impulse, he reached forward and put his hand on hers reassuringly, looking her straight in the eyes with the burning intensity that still threw her for loop. "You care about everyone, even your worst enemy, and that's something _awesome_."

Peach smiled and blushed as Bowser released her and leaned back into his chair. Daisy was trying to catch her eye, but she ignored her friend as she thanked the ambassador for his kind words and returned to her meal, her hand tingling ever so slightly. "Whip Cream" was still an enigma to her, as was the effect he had on her. No one treated her like he did: he clearly held her in high regards, but he didn't treat her with deference – he acted almost aloof, like he had something she wanted and he knew it. But he didn't, except maybe answers as to _why_ he strutted about with so much swagger, as if _he_ was the king of the castle, as if he was doing her a favour by being there.

It should have been infuriating, but it made Peach all the more curious. Luigi had reassured her that weird eye colours and tinted skin tones were normal for Waffle Kingdom natives (a lucky break for Bowser), but the folks he had experience with hadn't all been cocky, preening, smirking cool customers, so "Whip"'s personality was just that – who he was. He almost reminded Peach of Bowser at times, but not nearly as disagreeable, and she really did enjoy her time with him and her other friends. She just wished that her head didn't swim every time he locked eyes with her, or that she could at least figure out _why_. It wasn't like when Mario looked at her, his eyes filled with nothing but goodwill and adoration; it wasn't like when Wario sneered at her lecherously; it wasn't even like a certain Dragon-Koopa's glare, as he sized her up like some predatory animal. So what _was_ it like? Peach didn't know, but sooner or later, she'd figure it out.

And Bowser was counting on that, but he knew better than to make it easy for her, and the rest of the day passed uneventfully between them and the others. Mario and Luigi had some business to attend to and left shortly after lunch just as a thunderstorm rolled in, and Bowser, Peach and Daisy ended up playing videogames inside until dinner. Daisy dropped a few massive hints that she wanted some girl time with Peach, so after desert, Bowser left them to it and wandered back to his room. He wasn't particularly tired, however, and just lay around listening to the storm outside, which reminded him of Dark Land.

Then, just as he had started to doze off, the sounds of screams filtered up to him over the rain. In particular, one voice perked up his ears. "Peach!" he gasped, pushing himself up and leaping out of bed, only pausing to pull on his black duster as a makeshift housecoat before he sprinted into the hall. "What's going on!" he demanded at the panicking Toads running about.

"We're under attaaaaack!" one screamed, her comrades echoing her announcement.

"What? By who?" not waiting for an answer, Bowser turned to Kamek and Kammy as they spilled out of their rooms, still fully dressed. "Come on!" he barked, and sprinted barefoot down the hallway towards the commotion, quickly outpacing the elderly humans. The sounds were coming from the main event hallway, where the dances and all fancy dinners were held, and as he skidded into the open doorway, he was greeted by the inexplicable sight of a massive three-headed serpent.

"What the-?"

"Whip! Look out!"

Bowser turned and caught sight of Peach and Daisy cowering behind one of many overturned tables, but the snake turned too, and sent a barrage of tiny embers sailing towards the mysterious redhead. Bowser dived out of the way, and scrambled over to the princesses under the maze of tables.

"What _is_ that thing?" he hissed.

"He's called Tryclyde," said Peach. "The last time I saw him, he was terrorizing Subcon with that vile King Wart."

Bowser felt the colour drain from his face: first that bloody frog turned him into a human and now he was sending his henchmen to attack the Mushroom Kingdom? Not good.

"But how'd he get here?" he asked aloud.

"No idea – there we were, having a perfectly normal slumber party, getting some snacks, putting on dance music, and then 'poof'! Room full of baddies!" explained Daisy.

A slumber party did indeed explain why she and Peach were both running around in their nightgowns, although Peach had a fluffy pink nightcoat pulled over the long loose dress she wore to bed. Daisy was far less modest, in a skimpy orange two-piece number that left most of her chest exposed, with the top stopping a couple inches above her dangerously short-shorts. But now wasn't the time to admire the view – especially not of the _Sarasaland_ Princess, and Bowser instead snuck a peak at the room beyond their table.

As well as Tryclyde, the room was crawling with Cobrats, Porcupos, Hoopster spiders and even a few snowy Flurries. "This is only the first wave," observed Kammy, as she and Kamek joined Bowser and the princesses, having narrowly avoided being blasted by Tryclyde. "Wart's withholding his more powerful minions."

Bowser nodded. "Shy Guys are his specialty, and Beezos and Pidgits?"

Kamek nodded. "And Tweeters."

"How do you know all that?" asked Peach in shock.

"We did our research," grinned Bowser, truthfully: after their own run-in with Wart, he and the ex-Magikoopas read up as much as they could about the Mushroom Kingdom's past dealings with Subcon. Or rather, Kammy and Kamek read about it, and Bowser got the summary version. Still counts, though.

"I don't suppose you know the best way to beat them all, too?" asked Daisy.

"Don't you just throw stuff at them?" shrugged Bowser. "We could smash those spiders and snowmen with no problem, at least. The big snake'll be trickier, but if we each take one head-"

"Then you'll all get fried!" yelped Kammy, grabbing Bowser's shoulder and pulling him back down as he made to lunge over the table. "Remember what we talked about before? You need to be careful as long as you're like this!"

"Yes, you're the _ambassador_ now, you need to be more careful than when you were just the _understudy_," said Kamek.

Bowser rolled his eyes. "I'm not gonna sit here and wait for those things to find us: we can't hide forever!"

"We won't have to – Mario's on his way, I'm sure of it!" said Peach, also putting a restraining hand on Bowser's shoulder.

"Yeah, but he's sure taking his sweet time!" growled Daisy. "Whip has a point – your Toads can only distract these guys for so long."

"Well, Mario usually takes about five minutes to get to the castle during emergencies – eight if he has to wake up."

"Okay, how do you know _that_?" demanded Daisy.

"Like I said: research," answered Bowser, flashing one of his you-don't-know-the-half-of-it grins before circling back to his point. "Anyway, I'd say we've only been here for, mmm, three minutes, tops?"

"They're gonna get us before Mario and Luigi get here, for suuuure." No sooner had Daisy completed her precognizant lament when the table beside them burst into splinters.

"AAAAHHH! Everyone screamed as Tryclyde came bearing down on them. It was all Kammy and Kamek could do to keep from pulling out their wands, forcing themselves to simply follow Bowser as he rolled under some more tables, throwing a chair at the hydra to cover him and the princesses' retreat.

Daisy and Peach ran the other way, taking cover behind a different overturned table.

"We need something to distract him until Mario gets here!" cried Peach.

"Don't worry, my princess," said Bowser, appearing beside the girls once more, his elderly aids in tow. "I've got the perfect thing in mind – you'll know it when you see it, and be ready to take advantage of it, 'k?" he said with a wink, before taking off again.

"Wait! What- AHHH!" Peach was interrupted by another attack from Tryclyde, who, along with his Cobrat companions, now had the girls and the ex-Magikoopas cornered.

"HEY!" One of Tryclyde's heads looked over balefully as Bowser hopped up onto the stage on the adjacent wall. "What do you think you're doing?" roared the human.

"Getting rid of some pessstssss for King Wart," hissed Tryclyde.

"Pests? PESTS? Who the hell do you think we are?!" bellowed Bowser. "Are you aware that you are in the presence of the sexiest human on the entire Mushroom Continent? – For a limited time only, I might add."

"Oh dear lord," whimpered Kammy, covering her eyes.

Tryclyde hissed, his two undistracted heads still more interested in the princesses.

"Don't believe me?! Well take a look at THIS!" With a flourish, Bowser whipped off his coat, and every jaw in the room dropped. Every Toad and enemy stopped dead in their tracks and Tryclyde's two remaining heads spun around and stared in astonishment at the brazenly naked human on stage.

Her face as red as Tryclyde, Peach ripped her eyes off of Bowser and grabbed Daisy by the shoulders, spinning her around to face her friend instead of the stage. Bowser told them to take advantage of the distraction and they were going to, and watching as Peach pulled out her trusty frying pan from her hammerspace, Daisy caught on to what she had in mind.

Tryclyde's eyes narrowed as Bowser wiggled his butt around on stage, running his hands all over his upper body and sneering smugly over his shoulder at the hydra, while everyone else simply stared at the spectacle in shock. But Wart's right-hand snake wasn't so easily charmed and he opened his mouth, ready to blast the insolent human, when with a pair of resounding "CLANG"s, two of his three heads were knocked out by Peach and Daisy and their wrought-iron kitchen supplies.

"Hssss! Attaaaaack!" spat the remaining head, whipping his tail at the girls, but they hopped away.

His Cobrats showered Bowser with projectile pellets, and he yelped as they peppered his backside. _Shit – no shell! Forgot about that!_ he admonished himself. Beating a hasty retreat, Bowser scooped up his duster and held it in front of his more sensitive bits as he leapt off the stage, but Tryclyde was on his case now, his remaining head beside itself in rage over being made to look like a fool. The princesses may have done the damage, but clearly it had been the naked one's idea, and his ass was gonna burn for it.

Fortunately, Mario and Luigi had been awake when the Mushroom Castle sounded the alarm, and had only taken their usual five minutes to burst onto the scene. They stared in surprise at the room infested with Subcon species, Toads and night-clad princesses, but the real shock came when Bowser bounded past the doorway, stark naked save for the coat bundled up in his arms and mercifully hanging down well past his hips.

"Whip?" gasped the bros. as the redhead flashed them a grin and kept going, but before they could start after him, Tryclyde whizzed past.

"Mario! Help!" screamed Peach as the bros. stumbled backwards, but they didn't need the encouragement and sprang after the still-distracted serpent, taking him down with ease as Bowser dive to safety behind a table with Kammy and Kamek.

"Are you crazy?!" the two oldies screeched as Bowser chuckled.

"Are you kidding? That was great!"

Bowser looked up over the table just in time to see the chaotic battle between the Toads and the various Subcon creatures end in a puff of magic, leaving the Mushroomians blinking in confusion and looking around the enemy-less room. Even Tryclyde was gone, having been reduced to a stunned heap by a couple well-armed chairs to the head moments before – courtesy of Mario and Luigi, who now frowned at the sudden lack of snake.

"Where'd he-a go?" asked Luigi, voicing the question on everyone's mind.

"He must've been spirited away back to Subcon," said Peach.

"By Wart, you think?" asked Daisy, stowing away her frying pan once more, glad she had picked up Peach's habit of carrying one around just in case.

Peach shook her head wearily. "I don't know… We have to find out more. I'll send a messenger to Birdo's place right away: we'll need her insight."

"Hmmm," nodded Daisy, before looking over at Bowser as he watched the group over the edge of the table. Returning his grin she then leaned closer to Peach. "But right now there's someone else you should talk _tooooo_!" she cooed wickedly, giving her friend a shove in the right direction as she herself brushed past and made a beeline for Luigi. The plumbers were rather confused about the whole naked-Whip thing, but as Luigi opened his mouth to ask Daisy about it, she locked her arms around his neck and gave him a much friendlier thank-you-for-saving-me kiss than Peach had ever doled out.

"That was some distraction," smirked the princess in question as she walked over to Bowser.

"You liked it?" he replied cheekily, sitting up and folding his arms on the table.

Peach blushed again as she avoided the question. "Y'know, it worked almost too well – even Mario and Luigi were stopped in their tracks."

Bowser shrugged. "What can I say? No one can resist the power of my sexy ass."

_Or your collarbone_, added Peach to herself, blushing even deeper and giggling. "You're crazy, you know that?"

"You're just saying that," said Bowser, quite enjoying the sight of Peach turning as pink as her nightgown.

Peach shook her head, walking away while she still had a shred of dignity about her. Bowser resisted the urge to laugh out loud as he too turned away and picked up his coat, while the ex-Magikoopas stared at him in disbelief.

"Your Incorrigibleness," breathed Kammy. "Please don't tell me the whole point of that stunt was to- to-"

"To get naked in front of Princess Peach," finished Kamek.

Now Bowser really did laugh. "Bwa ha ha ha!" Lowering his voice as he pulled on his leather duster, he winked at his advisors. "Like I said, no one can resist the power of my sexy ass."


	5. Flee

Chapter 5: Flee

Daisy left right after breakfast the next day. The attack had the Sarasaland royal council up in arms, and while Daisy argued that being with the Mario Bros. was the safest place for her, they insisted that she returned home. Birdo arrived shortly after Daisy's departure and spoke to Peach and the Mario Bros. about her time with Wart, all four of them trying to figure out what the sinister frog had planned. Bowser sat in on the meeting, but he didn't volunteer any of his info about Wart's plotting: it's not like he could tell them the whole story, after all, and the situation was too serious to risk confusing the issue with half-truths. He pretended to brainstorm and gave second opinions when asked, but for the most part he remained silent during the meeting and excused himself from lunch rather quickly afterwards.

Peach knew 'Whip' well enough to tell that something was on his mind, but her afternoon was packed with urgent business, and she didn't get a chance to hunt him down until it was almost suppertime. The servants told her he was in the garden, and that was where she found him, but what he was doing surprised her. "You use a sword?"

Bowser, Kammy and Kamek looked over as the princess came around the corner of the hedge. Bowser grinned and showily swished his sword around. "Yep. A… friend of mine taught me, but I haven't practiced in a while, so I figured I better shake the rust off." Of course, it was more like learn how to fight from scratch, seeing as he had gone from a hulking pillar of brute strength to a gangly human, and it was hard going, but he wasn't going to let _Peach_ know that.

"Oh?" said Peach, walking forward, her head tilted in interest as she regarded the long, thin blade in Bowser's hand. He used to wield a broadsword, but in this form, that was out of the question, and he had Kammy conjure up a new, more manageable sword.

"Yeah," said Bowser. "If Wart's gonna be causing trouble, I want to be able to fight next time."

"Well, you were pretty helpful even without fighting," said Peach, blushing a little at the memory and hurrying on with her thoughts. "Besides, we have Mario here to protect us."

"But what if he doesn't come in time? It's important to be able defend yourself – to defend the people you care about…" Peach looked up from the flicking sword at that last comment, unsurprised to find those now-familiar red eyes staring right back at her. Bowser waited until Peach looked away before turning back to his sword, spinning it around and sliding it into its hammerspace scabbard, stowing the entire length of the blade into the compact box, which was only about the same length as the sword's handle. The scabbard hung from a loose belt draped lopsidedly across Bowser's waist and hips, overtop of his other clothes. He was just in his sleeveless leather outfit that day: it was warm out and he knew he was going to be active with his sword practicing, so he left his coat back in his room. "So it's dinner time, then?"

"Hm?" Peach knew she should really expect such abrupt changes in the mood and topic of the conversations with the ambassador by that point, but that gaze of his still tripped her up.

"That's why you're here, isn't it? To fetch me for dinner?"

"What makes you think I'm not just here to visit?" frowned Peach.

"Please, we _all_ heard Toadsworth yapping on and on at lunch – I know you had a busy afternoon," shrugged Bowser. "It's understandable given what happened."

"Oh, yeah, I suppose it is," said Peach.

"So, shall we head off?" Bowser gestured back the way Peach came, angling his head invitingly.

"Why in such a rush?"

"I'm hungry."

"Oh…"

Bowser was _very_ pleased with himself now: Peach _wanted_ to spend time with him, and he was rebuffing her! It took every ounce of inner strength in him to do it, but he knew playing hard to get would only make her want him even more. Still, he wasn't going to be _rude_ about it. "Sorry – I've been practicing for hours. It works up an appetite. Come on, you two."

With Kammy and Kamek falling in step behind him, Bowser started towards the gap in the hedge. Walking beside him, Peach studied his face a bit. He was only a couple inches taller than her, and at 33 (or so he told the inquisitive Daisy), he only had a couple years on her too, although his face bore more evidence of his age than Peach's, with lines already casting shadows around the eyes and brow. But while he might not have the perfect skin of a young adult, Peach actually liked the more mature look: he didn't look _old_, just a bit more rugged. Bowser looked over as Peach stared at him, snapping her out of her thoughts with a little jump.

The king smiled. He had always thought Peach was especially cute when she was flustered. "So, will Mario and Luigi be joining us?"

Peach shook her head. "No, but they'll be back tomorrow."

Bowser nodded, knowing better than to get excited. Lunch was the only meal that was really private: even if the plumbers weren't there, Kammy, Kamek, Toadsworth and many other Toads _would_ be. Moving on, Bowser posed another question. "How are the repairs coming?"

"On the grand hall? Pretty fast, actually. Tryclyde didn't actually do much damage aside from smashing up a number of tables."

"A new coat of paint over the scorch marks and it'll be good to go?"

"And new curtains on the stage, but yes, essentially. Toadbert tells me it'll be done by Friday."

"Good," grinned Bowser. "We should have another dance to celebrate."

Peach smiled sadly, but shook her head. "With Wart potentially on the move again? It wouldn't be appropriate…"

"Sure it would be – do you let life grind to a halt when you're worried about _Bowser_ invading?"

"But Bowser's _always_ attacking us – we'd never get _anything_ done or have _any_ fun if we let the Koopa threat hang over us."

"So why's this any different? Koopa threat, frog threat, who cares? You've faced worse: Bowser's way tougher than stupid old Wart, isn't he? So don't sweat about it."

"But _you're_ sweating about it – er, so to speak." _What is wrong with me?_ Peach struggled to keep her mind's eye clean as she clarified her point. "W-with your sword training?"

"That's different," said Bowser, but Peach's latest deviation hadn't been lost on him and his face broke into an imperious grin as he continued. "Besides, we still gotta get you on the dance floor with some _appropriate_ clothes."

"Why do I get the feeling that your idea of appropriate dancewear wouldn't be appropriate in anyone else's book?" smirked Peach, glad it was her turn to play it cool as she raised an eyebrow at Bowser.

"Gwa ha ha! Easy, now! What kind of person do you think I am?"

"Hgght-nudist-ghght," coughed Kamek behind the pair.

Bowser shot a dangerous glare over his shoulder, but Peach giggled. "He has a point."

"Sheesh, what is it with everyone and overdressing around here?" Bowser rolled his eyes. "You even wear too much to sleep."

"That's so we don't have to go streaking when something rouses us from our beds, mister!"

"Aw come on! Haven't you ever wanted to peel off all your clothes and just flop down onto the bed at the end of the day and lie there staring up at the ceiling with your legs spread-eagled and-"

"I'm not going to answer that _question_!" said Peach, both aghast and amused and unsure if 'Whip' was aware just how dirty his suggestion was coming out, or if he planned it that way.

"No answer means _ye-es_," teased Bowser. "Seriously, just try it: you'll never go back." He really did mean it, too: being able to lie on his back was one of the few major perks of being human. That was the one downside to having a shell: it stopped attacks, yes, but it made sleeping positions limited, and Peach didn't know how lucky she had it as she shook her head at his antics.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, as did the day after, and by the third morning, the atmosphere in the castle had returned from high-alert to normal. Peach was even considering hosting another dance to mark the week anniversary of the ambassador's arrival, wondering if Daisy would be allowed to return to Mushroom Castle so soon. Mario and Luigi were visiting again the day before the dance would be held, passing the time with their friends by playing around in the back courtyards – complete with an appearance by the pink tank top and shorts Peach reserved for sports, much to Bowser's approval. However, she decided to sit out for a round after lunch, and lounged under an umbrella mulling over the dance idea while the others played a rather vicious game of volleyball.

He might not be in a position to try and destroy the Mario Bros. at the moment, but Bowser could still try to cream them at the various sports the four humans had been playing all day. So far the score was about even, and it looked like Bowser was about to manage another win despite being outnumbered by the bros., but just as he delivered the final spike, a Subcon door opened up in the sky above the court.

"Shit," he hissed, landing and glaring up at it. Mario and Luigi let the volleyball bounce away unheeded as they also looked skyward, and just as Peach stood up and moved out from under the umbrella shading the courtside chairs from the noonday sun, the door flung open and a wave of Shy Guys and Snifits came crashing out.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!" screamed the group in alarm.

"Don't-a worry, Peach! We'll-a stop them!" declared Mario, regaining his composure.

"Oh yeah!" nodded Luigi, dropping into a battle stance.

Bowser reached for his sword, but cursed again when he remembered he had taken off his clunky belt to play. All he wore now was a sleeveless T-shirt, shorts and running shoes. Not fighting clothes, but at least his belt was close enough to retrieve and he turned to run back to the table behind Peach, who was hurrying towards the bros. However, neither royal made it to their destination, for just as Peach and Bowser were about to pass each other, they were hit with a flash of light. The Koopa King was unaffected but Peach cried out and stumbled. Bowser called her name in alarm, lunging forward and catching her as she fell.

"Wh-Whip," stammered Peach weakly as her legs gave out. Bowser dropped to his knees with her, tearing his eyes from her face to glare up at the Subcon door, where Mouser now stood on some newly materialized stairs, cackling.

"Ya like that? It's King Wart's latest weapon – his strength-sapping magic in blaster form!" explained the vile mouse, holding up a large ray gun. "Still got a couple kinks to work out, but we figured you lot would make good guinea pigs."

"Grrr, HOW DARE YOU! How dare you do this to Peach!" roared Bowser, his face livid with rage. Peach looked up at him in surprise – she hadn't seen him lose his cool all week, and now here he was, as angry as a certain Dragon-Koopa she knew, and it was over _her_.

Mario and Luigi were pissed too, although they kept their usual cool external demeanor as they launched themselves at Mouser, their hands bright with fire and lightning. Mouser turned the gun on them, cursing when it wouldn't fire again, although he was still shielded from the plumbers by the multitudes of Shy Guys and Snifits scurrying past him and flowing down the steps. The bros. still would have made it up before too long, but Peach's scream redirected them to the courtyard, where she and Bowser were surrounded by the 8 Bit army of Subcon.

Bowser could have done without Peach screaming for _Mario_ to save her, but as she clung to his chest in fear, letting him protectively encircle her in his arms as they stared at the advancing forces, he supposed it could be worse. And he had to admit that having the plumbers on his side _was_ handy, as Mario and Luigi came crashing down on the Shy Guys and Snifits right in the nick of time.

"Go! Get-a Peach to safety!" ordered Mario as he and Luigi opened a path through the swarming baddies.

Bowser would have rather stayed and fought – his sword was behind enemy lines, but he still had his fists, after all. However, one look at Peach's blanched face and he knew he had no choice – if the Subcon swine got their hands on her, there was no telling what could happen to her. Kammy and Kamek's voices echoed in his ears too: they had _not_ been happy about his stunt with Tryclyde and while they were off studying in the castle, he didn't feel like giving them _more_ to whine about and relented.

"Mario, Luigi, take these," said Peach, reaching behind her back and pulling out a handful of Fire Flowers and Super Mushrooms for the bros. They nodded and took them, instantly powering up from the first item they touched and stowing the rest away. The enemies were closing in again, but they easily opened up the crowd once more with a barrage of fireballs. Knowing better than to dawdle, Bowser scooped up Peach like the old pro he was and dashed over the singed bodies of the 8 Bits.

Mario and Luigi hurried along behind him, continuing to fire at anything that jumped out at the princess and the man who carried her, but soon a fresh surge of enemies came raining down from a second open door. Peach screamed and tightened her grip around Bowser's neck as he leaned forward and charged through the cascade. Peach felt a lot heavier now that Bowser wasn't twice her size, but with adrenaline on his side, he managed to keep her aloft as he ran headlong through the throng, finally straightening back up when he cleared the swarm, but not slowing down. They were deep in the back acres of the castle, and it was a fair run before they would reach the building. Not that it'd offer much protection, as Bowser knew from experience, but he had to go _somewhere_.

Easier said than done, however, as new doors continued to appear and open all around them.

"We're not going to make it!" cried Peach as a platoon of Shy Guys spilt onto the path before them.

"That's quitter talk!" roared Bowser confidently. They may have taken his Koopa body, but they couldn't take his fighting spirit – not even a second blast from Wart's magic could stop him. Then he got an idea. "Hey, Peach, you have any more of those Fire Flowers?"

Hooking her one arm around his neck more securely, bringing their faces _very_ close together, Peach reached back and pulled out another flower. Holding it up, she started to ask. "Why-"

But as soon as it was close enough, Bowser had thrust his head forward and snatched the flower in his teeth. Peach yelped in surprise, but as soon as Bowser had chomped the power-up, it worked its magic. Bowser gasped as warm energy flooded his system – no wonder Mario was always packing away the 'Shrooms. Peach started in wonder as Bowser's green shirt turned orange and his black shorts turned white, but the real surprise came when he sucked in a deep breath and sent a barrage of fireballs flying from his mouth.

"Bwa ha ha! That's what I'm talking about!" crowed Bowser as the Shy Guys scattered before him.

"How are you-"

"Instinct!" grinned Bowser before going back to clearing their way with the spinning, bouncing embers. He was telling the truth – the principle was the same between his natural firebreath and the fireballs, although these were clearly formed with borrowed power, and without a snout to properly direct the flames away from him, they felt a lot warmer. After a particularly large flurry of fireballs, Bowser turned his eyes on Peach, both their faces shining with sweat. "Hot enough for you, Peach?"

Peach felt her cheeks grow even warmer, but the moment passed as soon as it came when the bridge Bowser had been heading for exploded. Suddenly the air around them was filled with more explosions too: another door had opened and purple Subcon Bob-ombs were raining down on top of them.

"AAAAHHH!" they screamed. This was one enemy Bowser _couldn't_ clear with his fireballs, and he strained to go faster.

"Whip!" shouted Peach in alarm as a gust of wind blew away the smoke and revealed the crumbling remains of the bridge ahead of them.

"We can make it!" he grinned confidently.

"We can't! And the moat's too far down: you'll lose your firepower in the fall, and then we'll be sitting ducks!"

"Well we can't stay on this side," said Bowser as Bob-ombs exploded all around the humans and the swarm of Shy Guys and Snifits hot on their heels. There was no way Bowser could fight everything off. "Use your parasol!" he added as he made his final approach.

"But-"

"NOW!" bellowed Bowser as he leapt off the edge of the crumbled bridge.

Squealing in fear, Peach released Bowser's neck, ripped her parasol out of her hammerspace and opened it above the heads of the two humans as Bowser seized her in a bearhug. She didn't need to support them for long, but it pushed her to her limit and as soon as Bowser's feet hit the far side of the bridge, she released her grip, sending the two tumbling to the ground in a tangle of limbs while the umbrella whipped away in the wind.

"Hah! Let's see you bastards follow us _now_!" jeered Bowser as he pushed himself off of Peach and rolled to the side, sneering at the Shy Guys lined on the opposite shore. But his smirk soon vanished as the sound of buzzing filled the air and a swarm of Beezos, Pidgits and Bob-omb wielding Albatosses appeared over the tops of the trees. "Shit, forgot about the flying ones!" he hissed, scrambling to his feet and hosting Peach into his arms again.

Fortunately, the castle wasn't much further, and he reached the walled courtyard before the flying forces were overhead. But just as he was making a mad dash for the closest door, a pulsating Bob-omb came hurling through the air and exploded against the ramparts of the castle. "AAAAHHHH!" screamed Bowser and Peach as rubble came crashing down, but Bowser managed to skid to a halt and scramble out of the way before it was too late.

"Ha ha ha! Nice try, wise guys!" chuckled Mouser, flying up on a Pidgit's magic carpet and tossing another bomb up and down in his hand. "You almost had me worried you were gonna get away, little guinea pigs. Who'd've thunk a naked ambassador would prove to be as big of a pain in the ass as the Mario Bros."

"Technically, I'm the _Waffle_ Ambassador," smirked Bowser. Evidently, some of Tryclyde's minions had filled in the rest of the army about what happed during _his_ attack.

"Whatever – either way, you two are coming with me."

Bowser's face darkened. "I don't think so."

"Yeah, well, you don't have a choice – King Wart's gonna want to see how the blaster step affected his spell."

"Wart's not gonna lay a single one of his slimy fingers on Peach," snarled Bowser, holding Peach closer as he glared at Mouser, murder in his eyes. "He'll have to go through me first!"

"Whip, no!" beseeched Peach. "You did your best, but if you fight him, you'll get hurt. Mario and Luigi will come and save us, you'll see."

Bowser shook his head. "Nuh-uh – I'm not gonna take that chance." He looked Peach in the eye. "I don't care what happens to me – no one hurts you and gets away with it, not while I'm standing. I'll fight this big ol' rat with my last breath! …Or should I say, _firebreath_?" with that, Bowser spat out a mouthful of fireballs, and while Mouser managed to dodge, it forced his troops to back up.

"Fine! If you wanna play it that way… Men! Kill the naked ambassador!"

Suddenly a new barrage of flames filled the air – this time coming from above the enemies, as Mario and Luigi swooped in on the scene on a pair of commandeered Pidgit carpets.

"What! Noooo!" screamed Mouser as the pile of Bob-ombs on his own carpet ignited and exploded, sending the charred rodent skyward.

"Bwa ha ha!" chuckled Bowser, adding his fireballs to Mario and Luigi's attack on the leaderless and disorganized Subcon troops. But just as Mouser's body fell back into the chaotic courtyard, a whole flock of Albatosses dived low and lit the place up with a wave of Bob-ombs. The explosion knocked all four humans to the ground and cancelled out the boys' fire forms. Peach had been mostly shielded by Bowser and was the first to push herself off the flagstones, choking as she looked around through the smoke. "M-Mario! Luigi! Whip!"

Bowser swiftly appeared through the haze. "Peach!" he called as he crawled over, unaffected by the smoke thanks to his volcano-dwelling background, but wincing at the burns he had sustained in the blast.

"Are you okay?" asked Peach, reaching out.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," he replied, his eyes widening as Peach leaned on him and started getting to her feet. He stood with her, just as Mario and Luigi came running over.

"All the-a enemies are gone!" explained Luigi, and sure enough, as the smoke and dust finally cleared, the foursome were the only ones in the ruined courtyard.

"Huh," grunted Bowser.

Mario turned to Peach. "Are you-a okay? Is-a your strength back?"

"I still feel pretty weak, but I think I can walk with some support," she said.

Bowser shook his head. "No, we shouldn't push it."

"Oh, and making me float us across the demolished bridge _wasn't_ pushing it?" smirked Peach.

"You-a did WHAT?" exclaimed Mario, glaring at Bowser.

"I knew she could do it," he shrugged, grinning toothily at Peach. He almost looked like he was _proud_ of her.

"How?" demanded Mario.

"Mario, relax, I'm fine." She turned back to Bowser, who still had a supportive hold on her arm. "But… How _did_ you know?"

Bowser shrugged. "Well, I mean, the curse didn't take all of _my_ strength. If it screwed up for me, it could have screwed up for you too. Besides, you're tough – you could still use your hammerspace, and I figured you just needed enough motivation to pull off some other tricks."

"You have _strange_ rehabilitation strategies, Whip," smirked Peach, but she _did_ appreciate what he had done for her. After the jump, she had felt even weaker, but now she thought it _did_ help, since she started to gradually feel better and better after that initial low. Or it was the placebo effect – either way, if he hadn't made her do that, who knows what would have happened. "Strange… but effective. Thank you, you saved me. All of you did."

As concerned Toads began streaming around the corners of the ruined courtyard, filling the air with panicked chattering about the attack and the princess and the destruction and danger, Peach reached forward and pulled Mario close for a kiss on the nose, followed by a kiss on the forehead for Luigi. She then turned her face back to Bowser, and blushing ever so slightly, she gave him a grateful peck on the cheek before letting the fretting Toad nurses lead her away to the awaiting stretcher.


	6. Lie

Chapter 6: Lie

As it turned out, Peach _did_ suffer some lingering effects from Mouser's gun: she could use her innate skills, like hammerspace and floating, but power-ups and, worryingly, recovery items had no effect on her energy. Most of her physical strength returned within a day, but she didn't think she could put up much of resistance if someone attacked her, and Mario and Luigi became a fixed presence in the castle, much to Bowser's chagrin. He wanted Peach to be safe, yes, but it was hard to woo her with the plumbers hanging around with her all hours of the day.

Fortunately for Bowser, Peach felt the same way, and made an effort to spend at least some time alone with him every day. Mostly it was when she came to call him to dinner during his sword practicing. He had moved his sessions inside, lest the next attack happened while he was off in the garden and of no use to anyone, so Mario and Luigi had no problem letting Peach go over to get him while they sat in the dining hall waiting for dinner, their stomachs grumbling. Luigi had noticed that there was something going on between the princess and the ambassador, but Mario was oblivious, and the man in green had no intention of changing that. It's not like his brother and the princess were dating – if she wanted to have long, lingering staring contests with their fiery-eyed Waffle Kingdom friend, more power to her. All it really did was make Luigi wish Daisy was there too, especially as the days went by and there was no further sign of trouble.

Peach wanted to believe that they _had_ seen the end of it, but she knew better. Mouser had been field-testing a _prototype_, and even if it didn't work out, surely Wart hadn't given up yet. The thought of magic turned into a gun made her shudder – what would it be capable of once the bugs were fixed? Would it sap all her strength? Would it suck her life away? Every night, her sleep was full of fitful dreams, and she knew better than to let down her guard during the day. Except for that one hour she spent with Bowser.

He knew trouble was brewing too. Kammy and Kamek had repeatedly asked him to give up on his Peach-courting plan and get out of the Mushroom Kingdom before the next run-in with the 8 Bits left him with more than a few burns. But he refused. There was no way he was going to turn his back on Peach – he had gotten so far with her, he could almost taste it. Knowing they couldn't reason with him as long as he was stuck as a human, the ex-Magikoopas poured themselves into finding a way to reverse the curse, hoping that an antidote that could also help Peach and be used against Wart's attack would ring his fancy. Even though the effects of the curse were completely different in Bowser and Peach, the fact that a second dose didn't do anything to Bowser proved it was the same magic, and it even helped them narrow their search. There were only a couple branches of magic that only worked once, and they were sure they could find what they were looking for in another week or so.

Like the presence of the Mario Bros., Bowser also had mixed feelings about his advisors' progress: stopping Wart and helping Peach was important, but he didn't want his little vacation with Peach to come to an end. He preferred not to think about it – he preferred to not think about _anything_, really, but that was surprisingly hard with Peach around. She was clearly falling for him – he could see it in her eyes, and even in her body language, swathed in too much clothing though it was. She had stopped jumping whenever they accidentally brushed against each other – something which was happening with a greater frequency as the days went by. She had even started holding his gaze, although it still brought a pink flush to her cheeks and she was always the one to break it off. Still, it was better than nothing: Bowser had always liked her best when her backbone was showing, and he continued to push her with doublespeak and playful ribbing, forcing her to stand her ground and tease back.

Little did he know, however, that not only was Peach getting stronger, but he was losing his edge. He still walked with a self-assured swagger, he still smirked, he still rolled his eyes and acted like he was a gift from the Stars themselves, but he wasn't nearly as much of an evasive riddle as he was at the start. His bouts of playing coy were fewer and far between: he wasn't hot and cold, just hot or lukewarm at worst, and he wasn't bothering to hide it anymore.

Except from himself.

"So what's for dinner tonight?" he asked, breaking the silence as the pair walked through the corridors.

"Oh the usual – steak for you, Mushroom steak for me," said Peach casually.

"You oughta eat more red meat," critiqued Bowser.

"It's healthier to only have it in moderation. Better for the environment, too."

Bowser rolled his eyes, but when he turned to go to the stairwell, Peach reached out and gripped his arm.

"We're not going to the dining hall today."

"We're not?" asked Bowser, arching a thick red eyebrow at the princess.

Peach shook her head. "Mario and Luigi had to go to town to take care of some emergency plumbing business, so I figured now would be a good chance to have dinner together… Just the two of us…"

Bowser smiled smugly. "You mean like a date?"

Peach blushed. "No! Just… dinner. Unless you'd _rather_ eat with Toadsworth and-"

"Hey now, let's not overreact," joked Bowser.

Peach grinned, proud of her quick recovery. Bowser certainly had taught her to be on her toes when chit-chatting, and their many verbal _pas de deux_ were far more evenly matched now than they had been when he first arrived. She led Bowser to her private dining room: it was a small space, with grand wood paneling, a lush carpet, a roaring fire and a beautiful oak table just big enough for the two to sit opposite of one another. The evening was fairly uneventful. Without Mario there to make him look good no matter what, Bowser made sure to pace himself as he ate, and without Luigi pensively watching them, the two royals were free to continue their flirty bantering.

But as they neared the end of the meal, Peach broke a moment of silence with a more serious question: "So, I heard Fang and Bat went down to the ship today?"

Bowser suppressed a smirk about the unfortunate names he had given his two advisors before they had a chance to make their own introductions. They never ceased to amuse, but now wasn't the time to guffaw. "Yeah, just checking in on things."

"Do… Do they know how long the disease is going to linger?"

Kammy and Kamek periodically visited the ship to re-hypnotize everyone, under the guise of 'checking' on the status of the 'proper' ambassador and the crew. They had to wear fake hazmat suits, and even then, insist it was too dangerous for non-Waffle Kingdom denizens to venture aboard, lest something terrible happens and they wind up much sicker than the natives when exposed to the exotic disease. Usually Bowser just said they didn't know when the plague would run its course, but that day was the two-week anniversary of when he had woken up as a human, and it was making him feel weird. Like there was something wedged in his throat. Or maybe a chunk of Moo Moo meat had gone down the wrong way. Whatever the reason, Bowser found himself unable to tell Peach anything but the truth. "They're saying it'll take about another week."

"Only a week?" said Peach, before clasping a hand over her mouth in horror. "I'm sorry! That came out all wrong! I mean-"

But Bowser was laughing. "Bwa ha ha! No worries, I know what you meant. I feel the same."

"But you know, even if you're not going to be acting as the ambassador anymore, you can still stay in the castle. You can even keep your room." Peach smiled hopefully, but Bowser sighed.

"Believe me, I would love to stay-"

"Then stay."

"I doubt the ambassador will want to stay after what she's been through," said Bowser, although the double-meaning of his words didn't bring a smile to his lips as he poked at the scraps of his food with his fork, keeping his eyes downcast from Peach's.

"So? If she leaves, do you _have_ to leave too? Wouldn't it be better for diplomatic relations if you stayed?"

Bowser looked up, smiling at Peach's words. She had no idea how much it meant to him to hear her beseeching him to stay, after so many years of nothing but screaming at him to leave. But he shook his head. "No, no, I can't. These past couple weeks have been amazing. I haven't been this happy for this long in… years…"

"Then stay."

"I can't," repeated Bowser.

"Why?"

"Lots of reasons," said Bowser. Peach waited expectantly, and while that's all he would have given her thirteen days previously when he first walked into her life as a human, catching her eye, he couldn't help but sigh and give in. "Well, I miss my home," he said, setting down his fork, his head bowed. "The Mushroom Kingdom is great, but it's not _home_, y'know? And I miss my people, and…" He looked up at her from under his bushy eyebrows. "You wouldn't know it looking at me, I'm sure, but I've got kids back home."

"Kids?" Peach was shocked – she thought she had been getting to know the ambassador pretty well, but not once had he mentioned his family.

Bowser nodded, straightening up and grinning as a handy bit of slang he learned from the aforementioned precocious children came to mind. "Yep. A bunch of them. I had them young, that's why I'm a FILF."

"A what?"

"It's like a MILF, but for a father."

"'Milf'?"

"Mother I'd like to…" Bowser left the sentence hanging, and it was a moment before Peach figured it out. She scowled at Bowser, who laughed and leaned back in his chair, flourishing his hands over his body, lowering his eyelids seductively. "Come on, you know it's true."

"You're such a perv!" giggled Peach. Bowser noted with amusement that she _didn't_ actually deny his assertion. Taking a deep breath, Peach calmed herself down, taking a sip of water before continuing. "So, Mr. By-the-way-I-have-kids-_surprise_-guy… Dare I ask about their mother, hmm? Any more surprises?"

But Peach's smirk slid away at the look on Bowser's own face as he leaned forward, propping his folded arms on the table and staring forlornly into the fire. "She's gone," he said after a moment of reflection; something told Peach it wasn't because of a divorce.

"I'm sorry," said the princess, regretting her earlier cheek. "I didn't know."

"How could you?" shrugged Bowser. "It's not exactly something I advertise." He faced Peach as he continued. "I came home one night and she was gone. She told everyone she'd be back, but… I looked everywhere for her: police, army, every resource at my disposal was put towards that search, but she just… vanished." Staring at the wooden tabletop between him and Peach, Bowser ran a hand through his hair as he thought back to the most difficult time in his life, half wondering why he was even spilling his guts to the girl, although the other half of him knew why. "She didn't just get sick of me and leave or anything – she told me if that ever happened, the kids would be with her, and I'd be the one going. She told the _kids_ she'd be back, and if she _could_ have come back, she would have, I know it."

"Oh Whip…" said Peach, her heart aching for her friend. She reached forward and placed her hand over his, glad that she had decided it was too warm a day for gloves. "I'm so sorry."

Bowser smiled sadly and placed his other hand on hers. "But now you see why I've gotta go home. The kids're used to me going away for… business. They've got people watching them, so they're okay, but I _do_ need to go back eventually."

"Of course! Of course, Whip, I understand completely," said Peach earnestly. He nodded in appreciation, absentmindedly stroking his thumb over the back of her hand. His skin was rough, almost calloused, but Peach liked that about him: maybe he worked hard when he was at home with his kids, and this was like a vacation for him. In Peach's head, it let her justify why he seemed sorta lazy at times as he made his aids do all the grunt work for him: maybe he earned that right, she now told herself, rationalizing her own resolute feelings for the unlikely ambassador.

With nothing else to talk about after such a revealing conversation, the two eventually got up and walked over to Peach's room in silence. But it wasn't an awkward silence – it was thoughtful. Bowser's mind was on his family and on Peach, and what the hell could have possibly possessed him to tell her so much, while Peach herself was thinking about him and the future. Their future. She didn't want him to go, but now she knew he had to.

"Well, here you are," noted Bowser as they reached Peach's bedroom door.

She nodded and opened it, but paused and looked back at Bowser. "You could bring them here, you know. If you'd like to, I mean, and if they'd like to. You could live in Toad Town, or even the castle: I'm sure the staff wouldn't mind having some kids livening up the place a little."

"I dunno, they're _pretty_ lively," said Bowser wryly.

"Then it'd be even more fun to have them – at least for a visit?"

Bowser smiled at the hopefulness creeping back into Peach's voice. "If you'd take us, yeah, definitely a visit."

Peach beamed at him. "It's a date."

Bowser returned the toothy grin, almost bemused by how perfectly his plan was working. He really _did_ have her wrapped around his finger – he could probably even steal a kiss without protest. Thinking back to the FILF conversation, the dirtier part of his mind flashed the possibility of doing _more_ than kissing, but the rational part of him recoiled at the thought. He didn't want to take advantage of Peach. Just lie to her and trick her into falling in love with him. Totally different things, right? One was love, one was just nasty. Right? Then why was he hesitating? A goodnight kiss wasn't taking advantage, it was moving along the courtship at a perfectly reasonable pace, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

Peach smiled as she watched the gears turning. Bowser already had years to learn to read Peach, but in the past couple weeks, her own skills of observation increased in leaps and bounds. Now, as she watched him staring at her, at a loss to say or do anything, she finally realized what was in his eyes that made her world swim. The realization practically made her glow; Bowser saw the change wash over her as she stared at him, her smile deepening. Perhaps he had somehow moved the relationship along even without stealing a kiss?

Either way, he was really freaked out now. He was not in control of the situation at all and he didn't like it. He had no idea what was coming over him, or what he had been talking about, or what he was even doing then and there as he stood in the doorway with Peach, their eyes locked together. Finally, he was the one to break the connection, looking away and forcing on the old mask of cool composure. "A date, hm? Just like today?"

Peach smiled wickedly. Bowser wasn't fooling her. "Yes, just like today."

Bowser liked it when she teased him, and his smile was genuine as he went along with it. "Told ya so. Anyway, I suppose I should bugger off and let you get to your beauty sleep?"

"More like so you could get to _your_ beauty sleep."

"Psh, as if I need it," said Bowser, vainly tossing his head and making his hair flip about as if he was Prince Peasley.

Peach chuckled. "Oh, and I _do_?"

_Dang, Peach is on fire tonight with the comebacks._ Bowser grinned and shook his head, admitting defeat. "No, I suppose not, but I'll let you get to it anyway."

Peach nodded in gratitude. "Thank you. Have a good night."

"You too," said Bowser, backing away as Peach closed her door. As soon as the click reached his ears, he spun on his heel and stride off back to his room, his mind buzzing. Never did he think that _he'd_ be the one throwing a wrench into the plan: Peach had come around beautifully, but now _he_ was the one holding back. Well, sorta. Spilling his guts about his troubled family life was anything but holding back, but emotional self-evisceration was _not_ part of his master plan. He was supposed to be cool and mysterious and lure her in with his clever half-truths and devilish good looks – it had worked so far, so what was with the mushy stuff all of a sudden?

As soon as he got to his room he crashed on the bed, shooing away Kammy and Kamek when they came by for the usual nightly meeting, and eventually drifting off into a troubled sleep. He didn't feel well-rested at all the next day, and his stomach was in knots, so he declined to attend breakfast. Usually he'd never miss a chance to see Peach, but right now she was the last person he wanted to see – not until he was sure his traitorous lips were going to stick to the script.

But like so many things, that was easier said than done, and he ended up holed up in his room the entire morning. He let Kamek and Kammy finally give them their latest status report on the boatload of hypnotized Wafflers and the ongoing lack of a cure for Wart's curse, although he was only half-listening as he lay naked in bed, staring at the ceiling. Once they were gone he ate the plate of lunch they had brought him from the kitchens and had some nude sword practice, hoping that taking his mind off things might help some sort of answer bubble to the surface. But all it did was make him think of Peach, and how she'd always come out to watch him. Poor, beautiful, kind, cute, trusting, naïve, sweet, foolish, beloved Princess Peach. He sighed and dropped his arm to his side. There would only be one way to set his mind at rest, and it wasn't swordplay. It was the truth.

Usually Bowser made Kammy and Kamek draw his daily bath, shampoo and detangle his mane, magic away all the hair he deemed to be growing in unsexy locations, and touch up his bluish-grey nail polish to make sure no pink showed through. But all he had had them do at lunch was poof away his itchy stubble, and now that he was up and about, he had no idea where they had scarpered off to. So, not wanting to wait for them to happen by again, he was forced to wash up by himself for a change. He then threw on his usual leather sleeveless vest, black pants, boots and sword belt, spent another half hour getting his hair just the way he liked it, and with a deep breath, finally set out to find Peach.

However, to Bowser's chagrin, Peach had gone out after lunch for some frivolous library opening in Toad Town or something, and he ended up aimlessly wandering around the castle for the rest of the afternoon while he waited for her to get back. It wasn't until nearly sundown when Peach finally returned to the castle, and that was only because she lied to Toadsworth and told him she had a stomach ache, otherwise she would have been stuck having dinner with the townspeople too. Usually she was quite happy attending the many little festivals held around the kingdom, but not today, and as soon as she arrived home, she hurried off to find the one person who had been on her mind all day.

"I figured it out," she said as she finally caught sight of him looking out the window in one of the observation towers.

Bowser looked around in surprise. "Peach! You're back already? I was told-"

"Yeah, I kinda skipped out on dinner," smirked Peach, walking up to him.

"That doesn't sound like you," said Bowser, pleasantly surprised yet eyeing Peach warily, the sinking sun catching in his irises and making them seem to glow redder than usual. "What'd you tell 'em? The guards down in the courtyard are running about something mad."

Peach shrugged as she absentmindedly looked down at the scrambling Toads. "I told them I had a stomach ache… Remind you of anyone?"

Bowser snorted at the accusatory look the princess was now shooting him. "Hey now, if you'll recall, _I_ didn't make excuses for why I didn't show up to _my_ meals today."

"True, you just didn't come."

"Yeah, well, I'm here now."

"But we're not _at_ a meal."

"Whatever," said Bowser, rolling his eyes. But he sighed and turned away from the window, running a hand through his hair as he prepared himself for the difficult conversation ahead. "But anyway, I need to talk to you about something-"

"Ladies first," said Peach, cutting him off before he could go further.

"But-"

"No 'buts', now be quiet and listen!" ordered Peach, having learned that the ambassador responded best to a firm hand – at least, when it came from her. He _never_ listened to anyone else. "As I said when I came in, I figured it out."

"Why I was missing from breakfast?"

"No-"

"Lunch?"

"Stop interrupting me!" Peach and Bowser both smiled at their little antics, and the princess continued. "No, I figured out why you're so… so _different_."

"You have?" Bowser wasn't sure where this was going.

"Yes. And that look of yours…" Peach trailed off as she slowly started walking towards Bowser, the very look he usually turned on her now flashing in her own eyes. Bowser was _really_ unsure of himself now – at least the night before, he had simply not been in control of himself, but now Peach was taking the assertive role. This was _not_ what he had been expecting as the Mushroom Princess advanced on him, and it was all he could do to maintain eye contact and stand his ground.

Peach was getting far too close now, looking up at Bowser with his own confident gleam in her eye, but before he could say or do anything about it, she sprang. Bowser stiffened as Peach wrapped her arms around him, her head next to his, his face full of her warm, sweet-smelling hair. "No one ever looks at me the way you do," she said as she hugged him, feeling him tentatively reach up and grip her upper arms, as if scared to fully return her gesture. She kinda liked how flustered she could make him – it served him right after all the hurdles he had put her through the past couple weeks, but she didn't hold that against him as she continued. "No one has that fire in their eyes… And I know it's because… no one loves me the way you do."

"I-"

"Shhhh," Peach leaned back so that she could see Bowser's face, raising a finger to his lips, her other hand still on his side, cradled in his paralyzed arm. "I know you'd never say it aloud – you're much to cool for that, aren't you?" Peach flashed her teeth at her little dig, but her eyes twinkled as she continued. "That's why I said it for you – you're in love with me, I know it."

Bowser blinked at her as she lowered her hand and rested it against his chest, opening his mouth as if to protest but without a single coherent thought to form it with. No, this was _not_ what he had planned, and yet he couldn't bring himself to push back from her, to tell her to slow down because he had something to say. Her actions had turned his mind to soup, and she wasn't done yet.

"And more than that… Because… You see… I… I love you too." Peach's skin flushed as she admitted her feelings, but she didn't look away from Bowser, searching his face for his reaction.

Now it was Bowser's turn to have the world spin. For years, he had dreamed of hearing her speak those four words. For years, he had dreamed of holding her like he had her now. And suddenly, it was all happening, and Peach was moving in closer, parting her lips and closing her eyes. Bowser could feel her breath against his mouth and it set his own lips and the sides of his tongue and every finger on fire with pins and needles. All thoughts of coming clean were swamped by temptation, and forgetting all about the moral dilemmas that had been uncharacteristically plaguing him since he resisted the urge to kiss the girl the night before, Bowser gave in, bowing his head to close the gap. An inch, a centimeter, a hair's breadth apart-

"PEACH!" with a resounding crash the door to the room was flung open. Peach and Bowser looked round in shock as Mario leapt forward, and before the addled ex-Koopa could react, the plumber's fist made contact with his chin and sent him flying out of Peach's arms and into the wall.

"Mario! What are you doing!" screamed Peach as Luigi seized her around the shoulders to keep her from trying to stop Mario from diving after Bowser.

"He's an imposter!" spat Mario as he seized the leather over Bowser's chest and hauled him to his feet, pinning him against the wall with one hand and charging up his firebrand in the other, as if daring his opponent to make a move.

"What?" gasped Peach.

"It's true," explained Luigi. "We went to-a see if there was any way we could-a help with his ship, but-a there was no plague onboard – the crew were-a _hypnotized_."

Peach shook her head. "No, that can't be!" She looked to Bowser pleadingly, and he tore his eyes from the mortal danger of Mario's flaming fist to return her gaze, the rage and horror etched in his face giving way to something far more devastating: guilt. "No," repeated Peach, her own eyes filling with tears. "No, it can't be true!"

"Peach, let me explain-" began Bowser.

"Oh yeah? Start-a by explaining why there-a were Shy Guys guarding your hypnotized prisoners," growled Mario, far angrier than Bowser had ever recalled seeing him before.

"Shy Guys?" Peach couldn't believe her ears. "You mean like… Wart…"

"No!" protested Bowser, pushing against Mario's arm only to be slammed back against the stone wall by the surprisingly strong plumber. "Peach, I would never work with that-"

"_Then who are you?!_" cried Peach, suddenly cutting loose with her emotions as she pushed away from Luigi and took a few halting steps towards Bowser, tears streaming down her face. "Who are you and why are you here? Why did you lie to us? To _me_? I trusted you and you lied to me! You _used_ me!"

"_No!_" Bowser shook his head in horror. "No, it's not like that, I swear!"

"How could you do this?!" sobbed Peach. "How could you pretend to be our friend? How could you-" Peach broke off with a sob, squeezing her eyes shut and raising a hand to her mouth – had Mario come even a second later… "How could you do this?" she repeated, her voice tiny. "I trusted you- …I lov- …_How could you?_"

"Peach, please let me explain!" begged Bowser, but when Peach looked up, there was nothing in her eyes but unbridled fury.

"No!" she cried, suddenly changing her mind. "I don't want to hear it! I don't want to hear your voice or see you ever again! Take him to the dungeon, he can explain to the guards!"

"Peach, wait! Don't do this!" But Bowser was cut off as Luigi joined his brother in restraining the ex-Koopa, each brother seizing one of his arms while Mario shut off his firebrand and planted his hand over Bowser's mouth. Peach turned away as the plumbers dragged the struggling imposter to the door. Bowser's eyes were wide with panic as he desperately tried to break free, but as a human, he was even less of a match for the Mario Bros. than when he was at full power, and only managed to get off one last cry by chomping down through Mario's glove, catching the plumber by surprise and pulling his face free.

Around the corner, Peach sank to the floor of the observation room, struggling to keep her renewed sobbing silent even as Bowser's anguished voice echoed around her.

"_Peeeaaaach!_"


	7. Fight

Chapter 7: Fight

Mario and Luigi flung Bowser to the ground, returning his over-the-shoulder death glare as they slammed the cell door behind him. Luigi hung the sword belt they had pulled off the false ambassador on the wall, and without a word, he and his brother disappeared back up the stairs.

"Are you okay?" asked Kamek, peering through the bars from the next cell over.

"Yeah," said Bowser, getting to his feet and dusting himself off. "They got you too, huh?"

"We let them get us," explained Kammy. "We knew they'd bring you down sooner or later and then we'd get out of here together."

"Sure you did," said Bowser skeptically. For two weeks, Kammy and Kamek had been warning him about how he was far more fragile as a human – even with their remaining magical skills, surely they were more conscious of their mortality too, and just as Mario's firebrand had given Bowser pause, whatever threat they or the Toad guards had presented the ex-Magikoopas with probably quelled their fighting spirits a bit too.

"Hey, you're here now, aren't you, Your Disbelievingness?" frowned Kammy. "Fortunately they put us in the aboveground cells, so all we need to do is blast down the wall and make a break for the Warp Pipes. We've already sent word back home for them to send some ships and meet us at the-"

"No," said Bowser.

The old folks blinked in confusion. "Excuse me, what?" stammered Kamek.

"I'm not leaving – not until I talk to Peach."

"Your Persistentness, as silver as your human tongue may be, I don't think you'll be able to talk yourself out of this one."

"I'm not _going_ to try and talk us out of this," said Bowser, turning away from his advisors and looking towards the stairwell. "I'm going to tell her the truth."

"What?!" gasped the other two in alarm.

"Are you crazy?" hissed Kamek. "Remember what we talked about before? If they find out who you are, they'll kill you!"

"Peach wouldn't do that," snapped Bowser, glaring at Kammy and Kamek.

"But Mario-"

"She won't let him kill me either," insisted Bowser.

"You can't know that for sure," argued Kamek.

"Yes I can," said Bowser quietly, a faraway look clouding his eyes as his face softened. "She loves me… She said so herself: she loves me!"

"Was this _before_ or _after_ she found out you've been lying to her for the past two weeks?" hissed Kamek.

Bowser narrowed his eyes and scowled. Even though Peach had said she never wanted to see Bowser again, he knew it was just the raw pain and shock talking: once she had some time to cool off, she'd come to him. "If nothing else, they'll want info and I'm not talking to anyone but her. Not that it'll come to that anyway – just wait, you'll see. And in the meantime, I'm not going anywhere, so make yourselves comfy in there and shut up. I'm not talking to _you_ either."

With a final glare, Bowser turned and walked to the back wall of his cell and slid to the ground under the window. He drew his legs up against his chest and wrapped his arms around them; now that he was in complete shadow, he let his frown deepen. He _was_ sure that Peach would come to him – his plan had worked perfectly, but he didn't feel triumphant at all – and it wasn't just because he had been thrown behind bars at the very moment of victory. It was because of the look on Peach's face. He had made her cry plenty of times, in fear and rage, and while he always wished his kidnappings _didn't_ upset her so much, it never really bothered him enough to consider stopping. As far as he was concerned, the onus was on _her_ to just give in and learn to love him. And she had. And that was the problem – that was why it was different. The sadness in her eyes, the pain he never wanted to cause her.

She had fallen in love with him… and he had broken her heart.

Now both of them wallowed in misery, Bowser in the dungeons and Peach in her room, staring forlornly out at the starry sky and barely even stirring when Daisy threw the door open.

"Alright, where is he? I'll kick his tight little ass so hard, he's gonna _fly_ all the way back to the Waffle Kingdom!"

"He's in the dungeon," said Peach, still facing the window. "And he's _not_ from the Waffle Kingdom, remember?"

The rage melted off Daisy's face as she walked over to her friend. She had come as soon as she heard the news about the 'ambassador', despite the protests of the Sarasaland Royal Council. She knew her friend needed her, and even though she had already been filled in on most of the details by the Mario Bros. as they escorted her from the Warp Pipe junction to Peach's bedroom, she had hoped putting on a little show of rage might cheer her friend up somehow. Clearly that wasn't happening, so instead she sat down beside the other princess and pulled her into a hug. "Oh Peach… I'm so sorry."

Peach returned the comforting embrace, forcing herself not to cry. She had already cried so much that night. "I just can't believe he lied to me. I really thought-"

"Hey, we _all_ thought he was a good guy," said Daisy. "Don't beat yourself up about it: we all fell for his lies."

"Yeah, but _you_ didn't fall for _him_," said Peach glumly, pulling back.

"Everyone falls for the wrong guy at some point in their life," reasoned Daisy.

"Still, that doesn't make it hurt any less."

Daisy grimaced sympathetically and gave Peach another hug while Mario and Luigi tentatively entered the room behind the girls. Peach hadn't spoken to anyone after the initial excitement about the deception, but with Daisy having broken the ice, they decided to try their luck. Peach looked over to them and smiled sadly. "Have the Toad mages had any luck breaking the hypnosis?"

The Bros. shook their heads.

"Do they know who even hypnotized them? It couldn't have been a Shy Guy, could it?" pondered Daisy.

"I've never heard of a Shy Guy with that sort of magic," frowned Peach.

"D'you think it was Whip? Or… whatever his name is?"

"The mages say the-a hypnosis is recent," interjected Luigi.

"Makes sense – spells don't last that long, so they'd need re-dosing. So it couldn't have been Whip – he hasn't been to the ship since they arrived… But Fang and Bat have!" Peach leapt to her feet. "They were even there _yesterday_!"

"They're-a mages!" exclaimed Mario.

"And we-a just put them in regular cells!" yelped Luigi.

"They could escape at any minute! Hurry, tell the guards – we need to move them to the subterranean-" But Peach never got a chance to finish her sentence as her bedroom windows shattered and a whirlwind of black smoke and magic filled the air.

"AAAAHHHHH!" screamed the foursome as they were sucked into the air and tossed around by the tornado, losing all sense of up and down as the foreign energy ripped through their bodies. Then as soon as it started, it was over and the humans found themselves abruptly dumped in a heap on the roof of Mushroom Castle.

"Wa ha ha ha ha ha!" an eerily familiar voice filled the air around them, and they turned to find King Wart himself standing over them, the sky behind him becoming filled with unnatural storm clouds and opening doors to Subcon.

"No!" gasped Peach, pushing herself to her feet and backing away in horror, but even more alarming was the fact that Mario, Luigi and Daisy all remained where they lay.

"Can't… Move…" grunted Daisy, finding herself too weak to even push herself into a sitting position. Mario and Luigi were in the same boat.

"Wa ha ha ha! If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself! That's my curse you're feeling – at _full_ force. Nice, isn't it? It sucks away all your energy – leaves you powerless against me!"

Peach shook her head defiantly. "Clearly you still have to work on it some more, because I am _far_ from powerless."

Wart's smile was icy. "That's because the curse only works once – and you were exposed to it already."

Peach's eyes widened with comprehension. "Mouser's gun…"

"Yes. Its performance fell far shorter than I had hoped, but rest assured, my new weapon is much better." Wart gestured behind him, and the humans looked up to see a flock of Albatosses lowering a massive device onto the top of the central tower of the castle, having already blasted away the flagpole with, presumably, a Bob-Omb. It looked remarkably like the Nightmare Machine that Wart had once stolen and used to attack Subcon, but rather than vegetables, clouds of purple smoke crackling with sinister blue magic were pouring out of the device's funnels.

Peach glared at Wart. "Whatever you're planning, we will stop you!"

"Hah! Don't make me laugh. Mario and Luigi are powerless, and my troops outnumber your pitiful Toads a hundred to one – no one is coming to help you this time, princess." Indeed, the air was filled with enemies from Subcon, from the flying forces, to the Shy Guys and their kin, to the savage land animals allied with Wart. Peach could even make out a few Birdos storming the Toads on the ground, as well as Fry Guy and Clawgrip leading the charge.

"Then I'll have to stop you myself!" shouted Peach.

"WAH HA HA HAAAA!" boomed Wart. "Foolish princess, I know you're bluffing. You may not have gotten the full force of my curse, but it was enough to ensure you're no match for me. No healing or power augmentation items for you, hmm? You don't stand a chance – once I activate that device and sap the strength of all who would oppose me, your kingdom will fall to the great Wart, and the rest of the world will follow soon after! Wah ha ha ha!"

"Not if I have anything to say about it!" challenged Peach, pulling out her frying pan, only to have it promptly knocked from her hand by a blast of bubbles from the frog king.

"Like I said, you don't stand a chance," said Wart, now advancing on Peach. She tried to back away, but soon found herself up against the edge of the roof as Wart got closer and closer. "Still, I don't want to have you around _trying_ to stop me – it's annoying. Like a little fly. You know what I do with flies, little girl?" Wart reached a webbed hand towards the trembling princess.

"GET AWAY FROM HER!"

Wart and Peach turned just as Bowser pulled himself onto the roof, his teeth bared and his eyes flashing as brightly as the magical lightning in the sky behind him.

"Whip!" cried Peach.

"_YOU!?_" snarled Wart, wheeling around in disbelief. "_You're_ the naked ambassador?"

"Gwa ha ha! Didn't expect to find _me_ here, did you?" sneered Bowser. "What, did you think I was just gonna hide away in my castle after what you did to me?"

"That's what the rumours said…"

"Ha! You should have done your research. Then you would have known that I'd _leap_ at a chance like this to get close to my beloved Peach!"

The princess blinked in confusion. Wart and Whip knew each other? Was he a rebel underling? But he spoke as if he knew her from before the whole ambassador charade, and what did he mean about "new form"? _Who was he?_ Peach wracked her brain for people who had crushes on her, who had castles and who could have had a run-in with Wart. Only one name came to mind, but she pushed it away. It couldn't be _him_. Surely not _him_.

"Bwa ha ha! But I guess I should thank you for cursing me," continued Bowser. "These past couple weeks have been a great little vacation, and I couldn't have asked for better company…" his eyes flicked to Peach momentarily before he glared at Wart anew. "But the best part is definitely this one. Because now it's up to me to stop you, save the world and rescue Princess Peach!" Bowser threw his head back and laughed, shouting at the top of his voice as he continued he speech. "YES! Now will be my moment of victory! No more getting ground down, no more being laughed at, no more sharing the spotlight with plumbers and stars and peasants! When people ask who defeated Wart, it'll be MY name and MY name alone they'll speak of: this day will be forever remembered as the day Wart dies at the hands of KING BOWSER KOOPAAAAAAAAA!"

As he screamed his name, Bowser reached to his side, unsheathed his sword and charged towards Wart. Surprised and bemused by the new development, Wart used his froggy legs to hop out of harm's way. Peach stared in shock as Bowser skidded to a halt only a few steps away from her. "Bowser…" she whispered.

"Surprised?" he grinned at her, before turning and lunging after Wart again.

Yes, she _was_ surprised, but thinking back, she shouldn't have been. It was all so obvious – the grin, the firebreath, the raging ego, the shameless nudity, the skin tone, the hair, the eyes, the _look_. Bowser had been looking at her that way for years, but she had always written it off as some twisted crush – some shallow love, and nothing more.

"Peach!" called Bowser as he parried away a barrage of bubbles. "I want you to know what happened – you see, King Ugly here asked me to help him take over the world, and when I refused, he used that curse of his to strip me of all my awesome Koopa powers." Bowser paused as Wart came in close, drawing his own sword from his hammerspace and swiping at the ex-Koopa. The clang of metal filled the air as Bowser defended himself, eventually managing to knock Wart back enough to turn and scamper out of range.

"That's when I got my idea to pretend I was the Waffle ambassador, he continued. "I knew you'd never let _me_ hang out, even if I _was_ a human, so I needed another identity, just for a little while."

"But why…" she breathed.

Wart was attacking again, but this time Bowser continued to speak even as the swords flashed. "I needed to show you that we were meant to be together! As a Koopa, you never gave me the time of day, but like _this_?" Once again breaking away from Wart, Bowser bounded away across the roof, looking over at Peach as he went. "I wanted to tell you sooner. All day, I was planning what I would say. But then Mario threw me in jail and that kinda screwed over _those_ plans, but yeah, better late than never!"

Peach stared at him in disbelief. If she had any doubts that 'Whip' was actually Bowser, his delusional little tale would certainly have put them to rest. She didn't even know how to respond to what she had heard, and simply watched as the frog and the former Dragon-Koopa had another brief skirmish. This time, when Bowser broke off, Wart gave chase immediately, forcing his target to duck and weave as they ran the length of the section of roof they were on. Unlike the story, Bowser's fighting style definitely wasn't his usual technique: he was one for the direct approach, not scurrying around like a rabbit, and he longer the fight dragged on, the more perplexed Peach became.

Eventually, Wart broke off the chase and laughed. "Wah ha ha! You're pretty fast, aren't you? I should have made you old and fat."

"And ugly," added Bowser, winking at Peach.

"Now _that_ can still be arranged – if you just hold still for a moment," said Wart threateningly, pointing his sword at Bowser.

"No thanks – I like my face just the way it is. Unless you're offering to turn me back into a Dragon-Koopa…"

"Yeah right," sorted Wart. "Anyway, as fun as chasing you around like a little feeder mouse has been, I'm afraid I'll have to cut this short. I have a world to conquer – you understand. Or maybe you don't, seeing as you've never actually managed it, have you?"

Bowser chuckled, sneering smugly at Wart. "You're one to talk – you couldn't even conquer a _dream_ world. And you're not conquering this world either. Not while I'm here to stop you."

"Oh yeah? You and what army?"

Bowser rolled his eyes. "Oh, I dunno, maybe _my_ army, you idiot! I may not look the part, but I'm still the King of the Koopas, y'know!"

"Yeah? Fat lot of good that'll do you way over here in the Mushroom Kingdom."

Bowser's smirk widened. "Again, you clearly haven't done your research. Or paid attention to recent air traffic, for that matter – you see, when we were exposed as fakes, Kammy and Kamek panicked and asked Dark Land to send some ships to wait for us over in that little volcanic patch of Sky Land, y'know? _Much_ closer. Care to venture a guess at how long it takes an airship to get from here to _there_?"

Wart narrowed his eyes suspiciously – he didn't like where Bowser was going with this.

Catching sight of the look on Wart's face, Bowser laughed. "About fifteen minutes. And guess how long we've been fighting?"

The answer came in the form of a massive explosion as a Banzai Bill smashed into Wart's Nightmare Machine. The frog king turned around in horror as a Koopa airship burst out of the magic clouds overhead, soon followed by more all over the sky above Toad Town.

"Gwa ha ha! That's right! Fifteen minutes! Guess Tryclyde forgot to mention that I'm a master of distraction – even with my clothes on!"

"You planned this all along!" snarled Wart, rounding on Bowser.

"Duh!" said Bowser, rolling his eyes again. As soon as he, Kamek and Kammy saw the flashes of Wart's showy lightning storm through the window, Bowser had them burst the cell doors open – he knew the vile frog would be going after Peach first, and he wasn't going to let that happen. But he wasn't so foolhardy as to think he could do it single-handedly, and as he threw on his sword belt, he told them to contact the crystal ball users on the airships and tell them to get a move on. He knew that by the time he had sprinted to the top floor from the dungeons, found a good window and crawled onto the roof, his birds would be in the air, and then he just needed to keep Wart busy long enough for them to get to the castle. His plans were always far from perfect, but one thing Bowser _did_ do well was timing.

"King Wart!" It was Clawgrip, flying up on the back of a Pidgit carpet. "What's going on? There's Koopas everywhere, and the weapon – it's destroyed!"

"You don't think I KNOW THAT ALREADY?!" bellowed Wart, livid with rage. He had custom built the new Nightmare Machine as the means to dissipate his curse over long distances, and without it, conquering the world would have been much more difficult. But not impossible – not if that had been all Bowser had done. But no, as Wart watched the Koopa Troop descend upon his 8 Bits, he realized there was no hope of winning the war. Not this time. But he wasn't done yet. There was still one thing he could do: _kill the bastard who stole his victory_. "Tell the troops to keep fighting – hold the Koopas off as long as you can and make sure no one gets onto this roof. This is _my_ fight."

Bowser smirked as Clawgrip flew away. "Final Battle time is it? Nice to see another boss who appreciates the eloquence of one-on-one showdowns."

"I just don't want to run the risk of someone _else_ killing you – I want to watch the spark go out of those perky little eyes of yours when I crush you like a toothpick! Grr…RRRRAAAAHHHH!" Wart charged across the roof in a blind fury, but Bowser was ready for him and pulled a Fire Flower out of his hammerspace, biting off the petals and sending a cascade of fireballs to meet the frog. But Wart meant business this time and blasted them all away with a wave of bubbles. Bowser leapt backwards, but not fast enough, and Wart's sword hit home, slicing through the skin on Bowser's forehead.

The Koopa King tucked into a roll as his fire powers blinked out, but Wart was on his heels. There would be no running about this time, and Peach watched in horror as the two villains savagely went at each other, fire, magic, bubbles and blood flying everywhere as kicks, punches and even clawed scratches were exchanged, and the swords sang. Bowser managed to land a decent number of hits, but despite the respectable number of Fire Flowers he kept pulling out of his hammerspace, he was clearly losing the fight. Many times, Wart sent him flying with a well-aimed kick of his frog's legs or a blast of magic or bubbles, and it was a wonder Bowser hadn't lost any digits or even limbs as he bled from numerous deep sword-inflicted wounds. After an unexpected reaction between a fireball from Bowser and a spell form Wart sent both of them tumbling across the roof, Peach couldn't let herself sit back anymore and ran up to Bowser as he pushed himself up onto his knees.

"Bowser! You have to stop this!" she cried, staring down as he shuddered with pain, trying to recuperate while Wart struggled to pull himself back onto the roof, having been blown right over the edge.

"No," responded the stubborn Koopa King. "I mean, sure that was the last Fire Flower I swiped from the guard post, but I've got him on the ropes, I can feel it."

"You can't be serious!" said Peach exasperatedly, dropping to her own hands and knees in front of Bowser, although he kept his head bowed, so even then, she couldn't see his face. "You said so yourself – he took your powers! Maybe as a Dragon-Koopa you could beat him-"

"'_Maybe_'?" Bowser looked up at that, glaring at Peach, his face dark with blood from the massive gash running just below his hairline.

"Okay, fine, as a Koopa you _could_ beat him, but not when you're like this. I mean, look at you! You're covered in blood, and Wart's barely scratched. He has magic and size and just raw power on his side."

"So do I when I fight Mario, but _he_ always wins," said Bowser, his voice tinged with bitterness. "You don't think I could pull it off too? Your support is _heartwarming_."

Peach rolled her eyes exasperatedly, but she knew better than to use 'You're not Mario' as a retort. "One of us has to be realistic," she said, before changing tactics and frowning with genuine concern, reaching forward and placing her hand over the Koopa King's. "Bowser, if you keep fighting Wart, he's going to kill you. You can't let that happen – what about your kids? They need you to come home, don't they?"

Bowser looked at their connected hands, but then averted his eyes entirely as he spoke. "They'll survive, but I won't – not if I turn tail and run before I see this through. If I don't stop him, he'll kill _you_. And I couldn't live with myself if I let that happen."

"But why?"

"_You know why_," said Bowser, looking Peach in the eye once again, but now the fiery gaze was different. It was just Bowser – that was just what he looked like. Wasn't it? Something still stirred inside Peach when she looked into his burning eyes, and although she tried, she couldn't deny her sunset epiphany. Whip or Bowser, the man behind those red eyes loved her.

Surprisingly, it was Bowser who looked away first, turning his head to check to make sure Wart was still struggling to get back onto the roof. Peach followed his gaze, and was unprepared when Bowser suddenly turned back to her, leaned forward and planted his lips on hers before she could pull back.

Peach's eyes widened in shock at the sensation, and although she knew she should be revolted by the fact that _Bowser_ was kissing her, she wasn't. More than that – she _liked_ it. She couldn't help herself, she didn't know what had come over her, but rather than recoiling or pushing him away, all she could do was return the kiss, mirroring the shape of his lips with her own as she tilted her head, letting her eyelids drop as all feeling was lost in her electrified extremities and the world spun around her.

Bowser's eyes were closed too, but he didn't lose himself in the kiss so much that he missed the vibrations of Wart's footsteps as the monstrous frog finally heaved himself back over the edge and made a beeline for the seemingly distracted humans. Although he wished the kiss could last forever, Bowser knew the time was up and pulled away. "Wish me luck!" he winked at the flushed and blinking Peach, before turning and diving for his sword, gripping it just in time to block Wart's first volley of attacks. As Bowser led the melee with Wart further away from her, Peach shakily got to her feet, looking over at Mario, Luigi and Daisy, who were all staring at her with their mouths open. She almost wished they hadn't actually recovered enough energy to push their upper bodies up and look around – she could have done without the audience, and blushing fiercely, she turned and focused all her attention on the battle.

As she feared, Bowser was not faring well. Without the edge given to him by the Fire Flowers, he wasn't dealing nearly as much damage to Wart, and without the energy boosts they provided to him, he was visibly starting to wear down. Peach admonished herself for not having any power-ups to give him, having stopped carrying them after being cursed, as simply being in her hammerspace degraded their energies. Still, it was just as well that she didn't have anything to give, as that made her less of a target, but after catching sight of her locking lips with his hated adversary, Wart had already decided to somehow exploit that Achilles' heel of Bowser's – he just had to wait for the perfect time to break it out.

And he didn't have to wait long, as a nasty blast of nightmare magic sent the human-form Koopa flying into the crumbling tower wall below the wreckage of Wart's machine. "Bowser!" cried Peach as he landed in a heap with the rubble and didn't move, but as she ran to help him, Wart sprang into her path, gripping her wrist and leering.

"Ooh, what do we have here? The little Mushroom Princess loves the big bad Koopa King, does she? My my, that _is_ precious, isn't it? You must be _devastated_ to see him doing such a shit job at fighting me, hmmm? I know _I'm_ getting bored of it. Maybe if I snap your pretty little neck it'll get him fired up again?"

Bad move.

"RAAAAHHHHH!" screamed Bowser, sailing through the air like a veritable Mario Bro. and landing on Wart's back, wild with fury as he hacked at the bewildered frog with his sword.

Wart howled in pain and released Peach, staggering backwards towards the tower as he tried to knock Bowser off with hand or sword as the Koopa King stabbed him again and again. Had the monstrous amphibian's skin not been thick with warts, he would have been dead meat fairly quickly, but to Bowser's frustration, as hard as he tried, the sword would not sink deeply enough to kill his adversary. Roaring with his own rage, Wart suddenly leapt backwards, slamming his human assailant into the tower. It was all Bowser could do to keep from screaming as ribs broke and organs bled, but gritting his teeth against the eruption of pain as the wall itself cracked behind him, he reached forward with the sword and sliced it clean across Wart's throat just as the tower collapsed around them.

"NOOO!" cried Peach as Bowser and Wart disappeared in a cloud of dust and rubble. She could feel her heart beating painfully in her chest as she stared through the haze in desperation, and almost sobbed with relief when Bowser limped into view.

Most of the rubble actually landed in front of him, on Wart, and all he had to do was pick his way out. He was in bad shape, however – that last move of Wart's had done some internal damage, not to mention the numerous deep slashes, bruises and magical burns he had already sustained. Still, he was alive and that was more than could be said for Wart. The bloodied frog lay amidst the rubble, but it looked to Bowser like the slit throat had been what done him in. He smiled grimly and turned to make his way over to Peach, oblivious as Wart's eyes flew open behind him. For as much as he liked to advocate the need for researching one's foes, he had forgotten one key point about King Wart.

_Frogs breathe through their skin._

Peach screamed a warning as the dark shadow raised up over the rubble, but Bowser didn't even have time to turn his head before Wart came bursting out of the dust cloud and ran him clean through with his sword.


	8. Shine

Chapter 8: Shine

Bowser's eyes opened wide at the bloody sword suddenly sticking out of his stomach, lurching forward off his feet as the hilt of the blade slammed into the small of his back. But the sword wasn't there for long, and with a jerk, Wart had ripped it free, slicing the blade diagonally up through the left side of the human's abdomen in the process.

Bowser could scarcely believe what was happening – he was in so much shock, he didn't even feel pain. But he did feel anger, and with flashing eyes he twisted his broken body as he fell forward, swinging his sword around and slicing through Wart's belly as easily as he had cut his throat. Only this time, there would be no recovering, and to make sure of it, the Koopa King kicked out, knocking the sputtering frog back and sending him tumbling over the edge, while Bowser himself hit the roof hard, the two deadly swords clattering around him.

"_Bowser!_" screeched Peach, sprinting across the blood spattered roof and dropping to her knees beside Bowser.

"How do you people live without shells?" he hissed as she rolled him onto his back, cradling his head in her lap. He tensed up as a wave of pain ripped through his body. "_Literally._"

Peach shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes. "Don't say things like that – you're gonna be fine."

Bowser smiled blithely at her naïve optimism. "Nope. I'm done." He may have never been run through and half-bisected by a sword before, but a couple unfortunate spike pit incidents had made him quite familiar with exsanguination. He looked down at the massive hole in his side, pretty sure the only reason severed intestines weren't joining the blood as it gushed out of his belly was because he had both arms clamped down on the wound with all his remaining strength. He never _did_ like it when his fatalities were messy, and it was bad enough that Peach's dress was getting ruined as she knelt with him in the steadily widening pool of crimson, still shaking her head.

"No, no you're not! You've sustained worse than this, haven't you? And help's coming!"

Bowser followed Peach's gaze to find that Kammy and Kamek were flying over on a pair of broomsticks, having finally broken through the now-leaderless Subcon ranks. They landed close by and tossed the sticks away, yanking out their wands and rushing to Bowser's side, crying out in horror at the sight that greeted them: everything they had feared about Bowser's plan had just come true. Not letting the despair get to him, however, Kamek stood over the Koopa King, invoking every possible cure for the curse he could think of, and even though Kammy knew returning to his original form would be the only way Bowser could survive, she dropped to her knees beside the hole in his gut and started frantically trying to heal it.

Peach watched the two panicking Magikoopas-turned-humans, her own heart in her throat. She looked back down at Bowser as he stared blearily up at her, all colour drained from his face save for the deepening shadows around his eyes. "It's no use," he croaked. "A human can't survive this, and they can't change me back."

"You don't know that," said Peach, although the fact that the two mages didn't deny it worried her greatly.

"Sure I do – they've been warning me this would happen right from the start… At least it wasn't _him_ that did me in."

Bowser flicked his eyes in Mario's direction. Just as Peach had started getting some of her strength back after the initial blast of her curse wore off the week before, so too had Mario recovered enough to drag himself over to the edge. He nodded approvingly at the sight of Wart lying in a bloody pile of entrails in the courtyard below, and looked over to Peach and Bowser. "Wart's-a dead."

"Good," sighed Bowser, letting his eyes slide back into a neutral position. His vision was tunneling pretty badly now, and he was having a hard time even focusing on Peach's face as she leaned over him. Kammy and Kamek were practically screaming out their ineffective spells now, but their voices were muffled, and if Mario had said anything further, Bowser wouldn't have heard it. Everything was going cold and unfeeling, but forcing Peach's teary blue eyes into relief once more, Bowser managed to get his strong, firebreather's lungs to draw in one final, rattling breath. Another man might have apologized for all the kidnappings and heartache; another man might have asked her to tell his kids he was sorry for not coming home that time; another man would have told her he loved her. But not Bowser, smiling weakly as the world went dark and even Peach faded from view. "Going out a winner and in good company… It could be worse…"

Peach quaked with sobs as she felt Bowser go limp, his eyelids mercifully drooping over the suddenly lightless red irises. Kammy was almost incoherent as she slashed her wand through the air in a last desperate attempt to undo the damage, before falling forward onto Bowser's butchered midriff, wailing uncontrollably. Kamek's hand dropped to his side as he stood, ramrod straight and silent, staring blankly at the lifeless form of the king he had raised from an egg. Luigi, Mario and Daisy were stiffly getting to their feet off to the side, leaning on each other for support as they watched the other trio, from Peach's weeping to the raw grief of the minions who had both thought of Bowser as the son neither of them had had – and had now lost.

Just as Daisy started towards Peach to offer her a shoulder to cry on, more Subcon doors started opening.

"Oh no," murmured Mario wearily as the three looked around, but rather than reinforcements for the evil 8 Bits, a multitude of small, red fairy-like creatures started to stream out of the dream land, trailing golden dust as they flew.

Daisy blinked. "What the-"

"It's the Subcons!" explained Luigi.

"I thought that was the name of the place?"

"It is, _and_ the-a name of those guys."

"Weird," frowned Daisy. "But what are they doing here?"

"King Wart is dead!" chirped a Subcon, flying over to the roof. "He took over our land again – his magic corrupted the Star Power, and we could not call for help. But now that he is dead, his curse is lifting, and we have come to use the Star Power to erase the evil he has done to this world too."

"You mean, you-a-" before Mario could finish his sentence, the Subcon had swept by him, showering him in glittering golden energy. More Subcons followed, coating Luigi and Daisy, who, along with Mario, started glowing as their energy came flooding back. More Subcons flew over the mourners across the roof. Peach opened her eyes in shock, the golden glow of her skin making her cascading tears sparkle and sending shadows playing across Bowser's face. She looked up at Kammy and Kamek and gasped as she saw that they were starting to float. Kamek went without protest, but Kammy struggled, grasping at Bowser, but slipping free, her hands slick with blood.

But Bowser was shining too, and Peach watched in silence as he lifted off the ground, leaving a trail of glowing golden droplets as the blood continued to slide off his limp form. Peach stood as the three figures rose higher, only looking away when they became wreathed in a blinding flash of light.

Peach stepped back as three large glowing figures than sank back down and reformed as Koopas. Kammy and Kamek shook their heads disorientedly, but catching sight of Bowser, now a Dragon-Koopa, but still lying dead on his split belly, they yelped and sprang to their feet. A wave of each of their wands made their robes loosen enough to let them move freely, and reaching into their sleeves they both pulled out vials of golden-green liquid. Spells alone might not have been able to save the human, but they knew for a fact that Revitalizing Potion would work on the Koopa if they administered it fast enough.

While Peach watched from the sidelines, Kammy hopped up onto Bowser's back and began pouring the potion into the hole in his shell, while Kamek stood at the king's side and used his wand to draw out the liquid and coat the gaping hole in Bowser's body. Mario, Luigi and Daisy ran up and stood at Peach's side as the Magikoopas worked, hissing spells under their breath as they willed the magic to take hold and bring their king back.

"AAAAAHHHHHHGGGHHHHHH!" with an agonized scream Bowser suddenly jerked awake, making everyone else jump. He pushed himself up onto his hands and knees, his chest heaving and his eyes wild. Then he caught sight of his snout, crossing his eyes to try to bring it into focus as his eyebrows shot up in disbelief. With a grunt he hastily pushed himself onto his feet, his now-unfamiliar size and weight making him stagger in place as he ran his fingers over his face. He grinned as the felt his familiar draconian features and beamed down at Kamek. "We're Koopas again!"

"When Wart died, his curse was broken," explained Kamek, unable to keep a relieved smile from spreading across his own face.

"Then some Subcon fairies spread about dream energy and it reversed the curse's effects," continued an equally exuberant Kammy as she scurried over beside Kamek, having tumbled off Bowser's back when he stood.

But Bowser didn't really care about the details and only half-listened to the Magikoopas while he inspected his gut. Kamek had made sure the potion went deep and healed the gash from the organs outward, while Kammy fixed the shell and stabilized Bowser's energy. Although the rest of his body was still covered in injuries, including what felt like a couple broken ribs and probably still some internal bleeding, Bowser ignored the pain and raised his head, opening his jaws wide and letting out an enormous stream of flames.

"Gwa ha ha! _That's_ what I'm talking about!" he crowed. Fireballs had been an okay substitute, but there was nothing like the real thing and he sent a barrage of flares skyward just to feel the flames in his throat again. But his celebration was cut short when he caught sight of the line of humans watching. Mario, Luigi and Daisy eyed him warily, clearly prepared to stop him if he tried any funny business, but it was of course Peach that commanded attention as she gazed at him, her dress soaked through with his blood and her eyes unreadable. Sobering up, Bowser gave a little cough and then turned to look off the roof. "So what's going on with the rest of the fighting?"

The other six also looked out over the scenery beyond the castle. The dark clouds had dissipated soon after Wart fell and the Mushroom Kingdom was bathed in the glow of the full moon and the stars beyond, with a few lingering streams of golden stardust still twinkling as it fell. Koopas and Toads were still milling about, but the evil creatures of Subcon had vanished once more, and even the faeries were returning to the land of dreams through the fading doors.

"We won," observed Kamek.

Bowser smirked. "You don't hear that every day," he said bitterly, watching as an airship approached the castle, no longer held up by a blockade of flying 8 Bits.

"We should probably head back to Dark Land…" ventured Kammy, looking nervously up at Bowser. "We only really dealt with the worst of your injuries, Your Resurrectedness, and you've been through a lot."

"Yeah, no duh," snorted Bowser, rolling his eyes before looking down at the pool of blood around his feet. Under different circumstances, he might have resisted the idea of withdrawing, but he didn't feel like making any more trouble that day. "You guys go on ahead and tell the troops to start loading up, I'll be along in a minute."

"But-"

"I said 'go'," growled Bowser, glaring at Kammy. She sighed. She knew why he wanted to linger, and she feared it wasn't going to end well, but as always, there was no arguing with the Koopa King, so she fell in step with Kamek as he walked over to their discarded broomsticks.

Peach watched the Magikoopas go and then turned to her friends. "Can you give me a minute too, please?"

Mario shook his head. "Not with-a _him_ here."

"I'll be fine," insisted Peach. "Promise."

"But-"

"Bro," Luigi put a hand on Mario's arm. "We-a have to let her do this."

Mario looked from his brother to the princess to Bowser, whose own eyes were averted. He sighed. He had no clue what Peach was thinking when she let Bowser kiss her in the battle, but he had faith that she wouldn't let him trick her again, and the Koopa _was_ pretty badly beaten up… "Okay, but if he-a does _anything_-"

"He won't," said Peach.

Mario nodded, and then turned away. Daisy gave Peach a quick supportive shoulder squeeze and then followed the plumbers as they headed over to the ruined tower, hopping down onto a balcony that stuck out from under the edge of roof.

Bowser and Peach watched them go, and then turned to face each other. They were a couple yards apart, with blood coating both them and the ground between them. Shreds of Bowser's clothes lay in the pool, having been ripped clean off him when he grew back to his regular proportions. The forsaken swords also lay there, gleaming in the moonlight.

But Bowser and Peach paid no attention to the scenery as they stared each other down. It was Bowser who spoke first. "So… what now?"

"That depends," said Peach, her voice flat.

"On what?"

"Are you going to be good now?"

Bowser snorted. "Well _that_ depends on _you_. If you're gonna start coming with me willingly, I won't have to keep kidnapping you, and _that's_ good, isn't it?"

"But why would I come with you?"

Bowser raised an eyebrow, a smug grin playing across his face. "Because you're in love with me."

Peach looked at Bowser balefully, shaking her head. "No, I'm not."

"Yes, you _are_," insisted Bowser, his brow starting to furrow.

"No. I thought I was, but that was before I found out who you _really_ were."

"So? Whip, Bowser, what does it matter?"

"It matters because you lied to me!" shouted Peach, glaring at Bowser.

"Only about who I was – and that was because I _had_ to. Would you and Mario have let _King Bowser Koopa_ run around with you for two weeks, eat dinner with you, tear up the dance floor with you?"

"We would have if it was the start of a new era of peace between us!"

"Yeah, well, that's not going to happen – not until-"

"Until what?" snapped Peach. "You rule the world? How is that any different than what Wart was trying to do?"

"Oh no, I am NOTHING like that slimy son of a bitch!" snarled Bowser.

"You have a funny way of showing it," said Peach sarcastically.

"He tried to kill you! I'd never hurt you – not like _that_…" The image of Peach weeping as Mario and Luigi dragged him to the dungeon flashed past Bowser's eyes as he spoke, but he pushed the memory away. That was _different_. "Except for the bit about who I was, everything I said, everything I did these past two weeks, that wasn't some act, that was _me_, and you fell in love with me for it – you can't pretend like it never happened!"

"No, I can't," said Peach, her eyes as cold as ice. "But I could never love _you_."

"Because I'm a Koopa?" challenged Bowser, his eyes narrowing

"No, because you're a lying, selfish megalomaniac!" exclaimed Peach. "You're _evil_, Bowser, and I could never love a villain like you."

"But I just saved your life! I saved _everyone's_ lives – I saved the world!"

"Saving the world once or twice does not change the fact that you've committed far more evil deeds throughout your life than Wart or anyone else has _ever_ accomplished. All you care about is yourself."

"Now you _know_ that's not true," growled Bowser. "I care about my kids, don't I? And I care about you!"

"But not enough to respect me. You're always kidnapping me and trying to kill my friends and usurp my kingdom – that's not what love is supposed to look like! Even these past two weeks… Did you ever once consider how it would make _me_ feel to find out I had been lied to? Did you stop and think that maybe it was _wrong_ to trick me and string me along like that?"

"I told you already, I _wanted_ to tell you the truth-"

"Yeah, but you didn't," said Peach. "All this time, you weren't thinking about me. Just about what you wanted from me. This was all just a means to an end for _you_, to get the relationship _you_ wanted, to make me fall in love with _you_. THAT is why I could never be with you. You're a monster. A selfish, evil monster, and there will _never_ be anything between us."

Bowser stared at Peach as she turned away from him. He couldn't believe what was happening – he had done everything right, hadn't he? His plan had gone perfectly, hadn't it? He won the battle and saved the world and got the girl, but now here she was, walking away. He should be furious at her ingratitude. He should be furious that _she_ led him on by returning that kiss if she had no intention of following through. But she _did_ love him, and Bowser loved her, and he couldn't hate her, but how could she hate him?

"Peach, wait!" he called, desperation creeping into his voice. "You can't turn your back on me like this! Not after everything that's happened!"

"Yes, I can," shouted Peach, pausing but not turning back. She couldn't face Bowser again. She couldn't let him see what she was really feeling. "I'm grateful for what you did tonight, but that doesn't change anything."

"That's not what I meant," said Bowser, almost pleading as he continued, his vermillion eyes boring into the back of Peach's head, willing her to look at him, to see him. "I meant what happened between us. I- _You_ love me! I kissed you, and you said you loved me…"

"No," whispered Peach as she started to walk away from Bowser once more, tears spilling from her reddening eyes as she broke both their hearts. "It was all… just a dream."

**The End**


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